ADVICE: Men, you’re doing ‘it’ wrong

Shelbie Goulding

Shelbie Goulding

Before assuming I’m a “sexpert,” know I’m writing this for the sake of giving simple advice from a woman’s perspective in the bedroom. Men can’t read the female mind, so here’s a mind giving you some pointers that I think almost every woman can agree with.

Be confident. Nothing turns us on more than having a man who knows what he’s doing and is proud of every move he makes. If you question every touch or move, it makes us impatient and we’re just waiting for it to be over.

Do unto her as she does unto you. Pleasure works both ways. Don’t expect a blowjob if you can’t go down on her in return. The best advice I can give here is to go down on her first, and she’s bound to do the same for you right after. Remember, ladies first.  

Make a move. For the sake of good, quality sex, please don’t lay there with your hands behind your head like a dead thing. Don’t leave all the work to the woman, especially when it comes to making the first move in the bedroom. Just kiss her, grab her butt or something. Let her know you have a pulse and ambition.

Always have at least three condoms in your drawer. Nothing ruins a mood more than running out of condoms. Once you hit the third to last condom, stock up to save yourself from ruining all that foreplay for nothing. Besides, some people tend to go multiple rounds at a time.

Sex is a good stress reliever. This is so true because nothing says a mental break like time in the bedroom. If she’s stressed, she may need a distraction to relieve all the thinking going on in her head. This is practically a freebie for guys.

Respect and intimacy are key. Treat her with respect, even if it’s just a DTF girl. Don’t be afraid to make eye contact either. Nothing makes a girl feel better about herself when you’re looking her in the eyes. Not to mention, it makes it more intimate without trying — so easy.

It’s not a race. Take your time. Female orgasms don’t just happen for us once. We have multiple climaxes when you hit the right places. Do a mix of fast and slow, rough and gentle to keep it going longer. It’s not a sprint.

Get kinky. Explore your sexuality with more fun rather than the basic positions. Now not every girl will be down for spicing things up in the bedroom, so ask first. Don’t just assume she’ll like getting a surprise in the middle of foreplay or sex. It can be a mood killer if she’s taken by surprise.

Don’t be surprised if you’re not getting laid often. People aren’t having sex as often as you think. A poll given by The Cut showed about 40 percent of students are virgins, so that only leaves 60 percent available in the area. On top of that, some people are in relationships or aren’t into flings, so the odds may be even lower. Don’t be shocked if you’re getting laid once a week or once every two weeks when you’re single. Porn will be your best friend for a while.

Shelbie Goulding is a columnist. Contact her at [email protected].