OPINION: Stumbling through love in college

Adriona Murphy

Adriona Murphy

I fall in love in five minutes. A sweet smile, a laugh, a lingering look, and I am head over heels for someone.

I’ll develop these crushes and jokingly say how in love I am with them to friends. It’s silly, really, maybe even childish, to throw around a word like that.

That is, until the “now what” phase kicks in.

I’ve had my fair share of crushes and “things” with guys, but it’s never really gone past that. I’ve never committed to a serious relationship.

Why? Is it fear of commitment? Of getting hurt? Or is it just a sign of the times?

For me, I’m a fiercely shy individual when it comes to my romantic feelings. This makes committing to relationships, or potential relationships, difficult.

I guess when it comes down to it, I don’t want to get hurt. But being hurt lends itself to learning, and isn’t that kind of the point of relationships, especially in college?

A lot of people my age “date” but don’t do the whole committed relationship thing. And that’s not a bad thing. Each individual who you date, talk to, have a “thing” with, whatever it may be, shows you something about yourself and the world around you.

It shows you what you need and what you don’t. It exposes you to pieces of yourself you may not have realized existed.

In some situations, serial dating can be harmful. If you’re using it as a coping mechanism or as a way to avoid dealing with something else that is going on in your life, that isn’t healthy. But it doesn’t inherently make someone a bad person.

People constantly talk about how college is for getting to know yourself and experimenting, so why can’t someone do that through dating and getting to know people?

I don’t believe there’s an issue with constantly being in noncommitted style relationships, as long as you’re doing it for the right reasons and are openly communicating with that other person.

At the basic level, though, getting into relationships can be difficult.

Nobody wants to put themselves out there with the potential to get hurt because, let’s be real, it really, really sucks.

But, if I’m being honest, I’ve learned more about myself from putting myself out there, and I’ve gotten hurt in worse ways by not doing anything at all.

At the end of the day, you have to risk it to get the biscuit — even if that risk is getting rejected. You never know what could happen and, I promise, it’ll be worth it.

Adriona Murphy is a columnist. Contact her at [email protected]