#MeToo: It was the “nice guy”





As Facebook, Twitter and Instagram flooded with this declaration, I didn’t know what to say. It was still fresh for me, still too real.

The “nice guy” who had taken me for coffee just a few days prior just wanted to walk me home. All of my friends liked him, after all. He was so “nice.” The “nice guy” who bought me drinks all night, while nursing his own beer, was just providing a shoulder to lean on so I would get home safe.

But when I said goodbye to that “nice guy” on the porch, he didn’t leave. And when I woke up the next morning, realizing what had happened, the fact that he was a “nice guy” didn’t stop me from crying in the bathroom of my own house while he continued to sleep in my bed.

And when I texted my friend asking if she would go with me to buy Plan B, I didn’t know what to do when she showed up at my door and pulled me into a hug, saying “I’m sorry.”

When “#MeToo” first went viral, I was still in that state of shock. But it pushed me to send that “nice guy” a message that he needed to read the next time he texted me asking if I’d like to go out.

I told him that I was uncomfortable with how things had gone down and asked that he just respect my boundaries and the fact that I’d rather not see him.

And yet, his response was not contrite nor apologetic, or even thoughtful.

As so many girls know, it rarely is. When he wrote me a letter and left it in my mailbox, I heard what he said, loud and clear. That my accepting his drinks indicated that I wanted to sleep with him. That I dressed up to see him, which clearly meant it was ok. That I let him inside, which implicitly said he had the right.

I can’t undo the way things went down, and it will be a while before I can see him and not want to run home and cry. It will be a while before I feel confident again, He might think himself to be a “nice guy,” but he is the reason that I identified so strongly with the stories that came out with “me too.”

But for all of the ways that he hurt me, I also know that I’ve managed to overcome something painful. I’m thriving amidst my moments of pain, and I deserve far better than this.