As I’ve said in a column before: Orgasms are out-of-this-world amazing. I will continue to call “la petite mort,” or “the little death” as the French call the big O, one of the body’s greatest phenomena until the day I actually die.
Not only is this a scientifically cool and extremely satisfying experience, but people can achieve orgasms in so many ways. From traditional genital stimulation to getting off purely from nipple rubbing (because that happens to some people — jealous?), you would think it wouldn’t be hard to figure out how to please your partner.
Think again: Because even though it’s 2015, some of us are still faking orgasms. As if not yet having hover cars wasn’t bad enough, we’re still pretending to feel sexually satisfied when, really, what’s happening isn’t all that great.
According to a 2010 study on men’s and women’s pretend orgasms in the Journal of Sex Research, 28 percent of their male participants faked an orgasm, while 67 percent of the female participants faked. Sound the bad sex alarms because this is not OK.
So maybe this number doesn’t faze you. Maybe you’re one of the lucky ones who gets off every time you get laid (bless your heart).
But let me put this into perspective: We go to bed together for pleasure, right? If these percentages hold true in the real world, think about all of the missed opportunities for a good time happening every day!
Unless you’re actively trying to have a baby in college because, you know, that’s what sex is actually for, sex is about enjoying yourself while also pleasing the person you’re with. Even though that might sound like a lot to be worrying about while you’re getting it on, most of the time the two go hand-in-hand. I won’t get too graphic, but if one person is enjoying what’s happening, it makes the other person enjoy it more, as well. Sex makes us all great multi-taskers.
And as much as I hate to say it: I, too, have faked orgasms during various sexual encounters. Sometimes it’s to make the guy feel good; other times it’s to speed up the whole ordeal, so I can go back to the movie he said we would “watch.”
Does that make me a bitch? Maybe. Have you done it too? More than likely.
But in my time of having guys not take directions very well (I once got called emasculating for asking a partner to do something differently), I’ve found a flaw in the system: We’re keeping ourselves from better sex, aka mind-blowing orgasms.
In order to have really good sex, you’ve got to talk about sex with your partner. Yes, that sounds really weird to do, but in the long haul, it’ll be worth it.
If the other person doesn’t know what you like, than they’re going to keep doing what they think is making them a sex god/goddess.
In turn, you’ll be forced to moan, shake and pant to further boost their ego, and that person will just think, “Damn, I’m so good.” From there, the vicious circle of you faking pleasure because you’re scared to talk about it will just continue.
Your best bet to quit having to fake it is to be honest. Tell the other person what feels amazing and what honestly just does nothing for you. It’ll probably be an awkward conversation at first, but the more the two of you are comfortable discussing each other’s sexual wants and needs, the better off you’ll both be. Whether you’re in a committed relationship or just friends with benefits, talking never hurt anyone.
And if your partner reacts like mine did, saying you’re emasculating or, if you’re a guy, a pansy or something dumb like that, then the next step for you is to tell that person to kiss off and start seeing other people. You were already not having the orgasms you deserve on a regular basis, so you don’t need any more negativity in your life.
So readers, go forth being sexual, and for the love of all things holy, quit faking orgasms.
Contact Heather Inglis at [email protected]