A night out in downtown Kent means hitting one of the city’s 18 bars — and, if we’re being honest, hitting more than one (and hitting at least one probably pretty hard). As you navigate the drinking scene, you’re bound to run into plenty of friends and, of course, even more strangers who you’ll become best friends with after a shot or two. As you’re making these best friends, though, keep in mind who you’ll be running into in each bar.
Because if there’s one thing that’s certain, it’s that each bar has its stereotypical customer. And while we’re not saying that every customer at these establishments fits this exact profile, well, you know you’ve seen at least one of these species with a beer in hand on a Saturday night — and you might even be one.
THE WATER STREET STEREOTYPE
If you’re the Water Street stereotype, you choose form over function. And who can blame you? You’re the immortal among us who can walk to the bars from Eagles Landing in heels and then keep them on the whole night. You think it’s a good idea to wear a cutout dress to one of the most consistently packed bars in Kent, and power to you because you’re killing it and also not spilling a drop of alcohol on it. There’s a great chance you’re heavily invested in both vodka-soaked gummy bears and fishbowls, and you definitely aren’t worried about having a serious conversation. You’ve got ‘90s rap music to shout over and, more importantly, dance to on Water Street’s stage with your sorority sisters. You’ll be out all night – see you at Guys?
THE ZEPHYR PUB STEREOTYPE
Are you an English major? Do you work at a coffee shop? OK, now that those questions are out of the way, you’re a total music snob. You’re most likely discussing old Interpol albums on the Zephyr patio or searching for classic ‘90s hip hop on the jukebox. You can’t be bothered to go to a place with what you consider terrible music. You definitely are into indie movies and obscure art, and that’s pretty much all you want to talk about. “Garden State” also changed your life, and probably not ironically. You’ll be damned if you’re ordering anything other than Bloody Marys from Joel or a constant stream of gin and tonics.
THE LOFT STEREOTYPE
You, sir, love one of three things in this life: Peanuts, Rocket Pops or country music. The Loft always inadvertently ends up turning into a country sing-along and, while you might be annoyed on the outside, on the inside, you’re screaming along with every word. If you’ve had enough Rocket Pops, you are howling along with every word of some Florida-Georgia Line song. You’ve made your friends take Grecian Urns on their birthday, and you see nothing wrong with keeping your hat on in public places. You own an unnecessarily large truck for living in Kent, and you take great pride in your Yuengling consumption. Pitchers for everyone.
THE BAR 145 STEREOTYPE
You might act like you’re going to Bar 145 for the growing bourbon selection or the delicious burgers, but let’s be real: It’s a Saturday night and you are PUMPED about the cover band. That song you haven’t heard in about eight years? Well, you’re going to hear it tonight, and you are going to fist pump along with every word like time hasn’t passed. You accept that you’re going to pay an extraordinary amount of money for a Bud Light and that you’ll probably never see the group you came with until the lights come on at about 2:15 in the morning. Your friends have definitely called you a “bro” and you still aren’t sure if they were joking. Your super tight T-shirt is going to have proud sweat stains as you walk back to your house on College or Willow.
THE VENICE CAFÉ STEREOTYPE
If you’re not a journalism major ending your night at Venice, then you’re a beer snob trying to get in on Venice’s wicked collection of craft brews. You’re waiting for Venice to start brewing their own beer, and in the meantime, you keep talking about your frequent trips to Cleveland to get “real craft beer.” You’ve studied abroad at least three times, all so you could go on brewery tours and wine tastings. No one blames you, but sometimes you’re too much — even for your companions. When you’ve finally picked your perfect beer for the night, you’re playing pool (poorly) while Venice’s more casual attendees watch.
THE 157 LOUNGE STEREOTYPE
People think you’re trying to be trendy, but really, you just want to dance — and dance all night. You see no problem clubbing in a place that serves (really delicious) sushi during the day, and why should you? You’re tossing back shots and drinking some of Kent’s best martinis. Yeah, your dress might be super tight, but it hasn’t stopped you from climbing into the VIP section at least three times — and falling down the steps once. And if there’s one thing you’ve mastered in your time at 157, it’s the slick deflection. No one knows how to get away from a weird guy quicker than you.
THE RAY’S STEREOTYPE
Is it your birthday? There’s an 85 percent chance it is, and you either have a sash or pin announcing your 21st. More people have turned 21 in Rays than anywhere else in the world. Fact. If you aren’t there to spin the wheel, though, you could actually be anyone — because everyone goes to Ray’s, and everyone goes for the Long Islands. Ray’s is Kent’s go-to bar, and you probably know at least half of the people in there at any given time. You’re interested in sports enough to check what’s going on with whatever event is on TV, but you’re also happy with the jukebox’s wide, weird mix of songs that soundtracks your night. You may even be a parent or faculty member – because everyone goes to Ray’s.
Contact Katy Coduto at [email protected]