Opinion: Breaking up with Taylor Swift



Ryan Sampson

Ryan Sampson

Ryan Sampson is a senior architecture major and columnist for the Daily Kent Stater. Contact her at [email protected].

I was looking through The Huffington Post, a personal favorite, when I stumbled upon an article about Selena Gomez, wearing what was deemed her breakup dress. Gomez is facing the same relationship issues that many young women go through in their twenties, but luckily for her, she’s trying to hide those puffy eyes and pretend she doesn’t care on a global stage.

But it’s not Gomez’s woes that have me doubting the future of today’s youth. That scathing criticism goes to none other than Taylor Swift. Swift also appeared in a stunning gown after her recent breakup with new, old, new and then old-again beau Harry Styles.

Now, when I first heard Swift’s music six years ago, I was quite enamored with it; I could have sworn her first album was practically written about me. Then I learned that just about every other teenage girl in America felt the same way. Since then, a string of relationships — and by string, I mean a thick, nautical-worthy rope — has caused the singer to build a career on poor choices and heartbreak.

My personal theory is that she gets at least three songs out of each conquest: the pursuit, the happy middle and the devastating ending. Also, that count has the potential to increase exponentially depending on the amount of times they get back together. By my calculations, at the rate she’s going, she shouldn’t run out of things to sing about anytime soon.

Regardless of how many more songs she writes, or how much longer her two-month relationships remain newsworthy, I just want to say that I’m done. I am breaking up with Taylor Swift. I’m not saying I won’t listen to the radio just to avoid you — in fact I may even get a few lines in before changing the station. But until you can pull yourself together and stay with a man for a longer period of time than Kim Kardashian’s first — no, wait — second marriage, I think it’s best that we take a break.

Sure, your new album, “Red,” has some infectious, catchy tunes, but please, if you’re really never ever ever ever ever getting back together with Jake Gyllenhaal, how about you take some of those life lessons and apply them to the remainder of your relationships? Frankly, whatever you’re doing isn’t working out too well for you. Perhaps consider some age-appropriate men with a positive history of healthy, long-term relationships, and stay away from tween heartthrobs, or anyone who remotely resembles John Mayer.

All I’m asking — other than a new lyrical focus for your next album — is for you to put as much effort into finding a decent man as you do into hating them afterward.