Opinion: Black Friday blues

Jake Crissman

Jake Crissman

Jake Crissman is a sophomore English major and columnist for the Daily Kent Stater. Contact him at [email protected].

I hope that last week’s Thanksgiving break was as nice and relaxing for everyone as it was for me. But maybe some of you partook in the taxing events of Black Friday shopping. I understand that there are some great deals out there, but is all of that really worth feeling like a piece of shit?

You stand around for hours and hours waiting for the stores to open their doors, and once they finally do, you have to forcibly push your way through a sea of overly anxious shoppers who are out for blood. They have no shame.

They roll up in their station wagon — they brought the station wagon because the family Sedan just doesn’t have the space to put all of the crap that they plan on purchasing, and they would’ve used the minivan but it’s in the shop — dressed in their pajamas and comfy jackets as they trample underfoot any unfortunate victim of circumstance who becomes one of the Black Friday casualties that seem to happen year after year.

Herds of animalistic shoppers crowd the shopping malls, the superstores, the appliance stores, the toy stores — anywhere that has a hot deal.

If you’re an average or normal human being, then you stayed away from all this funny business last Friday. However, some sane people may have been thrust into the dizzying whirlpool disaster by circumstances out of their control. If so, then you gazed around the store, realizing that what you’re looking at is nothing more than a colony of ants. They frantically bustle about and ruthlessly try to grab items before someone else does. It’s a sickening display of humanity.

They are ants. They are just stuffing the pockets of the corporations as the fat-cat CEOs of these companies just kick back and put their feet on their desks as they sip brandy, smoke cigars and watch over their little ant farm working toward the single goal of filling their bank account.

I hate how materialistic most people are here in America. They constantly need, need, need and want, want, want. These consumers are nothing more than fatted calves being led to the slaughter. They are subjected to advertisements for the latest top-of-the-line gadget and are told that they aren’t worth jack shit if they don’t have one, so they immediately have to go out and buy one. Now even kids these days are being told the same messages, and their parents buy them an iPhone or whatever, just so that they will stop bitching for two seconds.

People are so out of touch, man. Christ, when will it end? Just build a snowman instead of playing Xbox. You don’t actually need that iPad when you’ve got a perfectly good laptop, do you? Quit wasting your money on all this junk you don’t need. But most of all, quit wasting your time. Don’t just waste your days away in front of a screen; actually experience life. Go see the Grand Canyon, or something.