College Fest has been a decadent, disgusting and wretched part of Kent State’s culture ever since its first block party some years ago.

I am outraged and offended by the assortment of activities that occur at College Fest: dancing like it’s on sale for $19.99, playing cornhole, drinking bad beer and … uh, yeah — all those awful things!

I can’t believe the lack of respect people have for their intelligence at these booze-guzzling brain cell massacres. Next weekend, Saturday, April 21st, the downfall of human civilization continues.

See you there!

If I go, which I wouldn’t mind, I will have been a College Fest attendee three out of my four years at Kent State.

I missed the College Fest of my freshman year, which I heard abruptly ended when a flaming couch decided to show up and crash the party.

I think SWAT team strippers were involved as well. I wonder which fraternity paid those babes to come. I miss the best parties.

So typical.

Ever since the riots of 2009, I have pledged to never miss the opportunity to see a guy lighting a door on fire and screaming “Mortal Kombat!” at police ever again. You can’t miss that, you just can’t.

Maybe I have offended two types of people just now, one for each paragraph above. First, the ones who love to party. Second, the ones who get irritated when they see people having fun. I can’t win, can I?

Yep, I might be going to College Fest with my friends. Nope, I won’t be the loud guy who drinks Colt 45 faster than Billy Dee Williams.

Nor will I be the girl who flashes her chest at everyone. First, I’m a dude, and secondly … well, I guess that covers it.

Haha, covers it. Zing!

Anyway, I will be someone who is laid back and relaxed like Snoop Dogg sipping on gin and juice.

Why? Because moderation is possible.

There’s nothing wrong with having a few beers, checking the party out and leaving. Not being obnoxious seems to be a challenge for many people. They’re usually the ones that ruin it for the rest of us. They also get the most attention, which is unfortunately something that cannot be changed. It’s also a shame to see people getting in fights. I recall a few last year. I’m not sure why any of that is necessary.

Here’s a crazy idea: Respect the police. Keep in mind they’re not cold machines. They have family and friends just like you. But if they feel provoked, then they have the right to react by the book. How would you feel if you had to hear expletives from drunken idiots all day?

The riots of 2009 started when a girl acted obnoxiously and belligerently toward a police officer. At least that’s my interpretation. Then it only took a few idiots to make things worse by throwing objects and taunting the police. Way to go, bro!

Personally, I enjoy College Fest because it is a cultural experience. When I’m older, I’ll never get the chance to partake in anything like it again. Maybe I’m being silly, but it is certainly an interesting event. Even if it disgusts you, it’s still worth taking a look. Whether I’m annoying the party animals or boring snobs, going to College Fest doesn’t have to be the brain cell genocide everyone makes it out to be.

For instance, you can pretend to be an Australian biologist who is observing and investigating the behavior of animals. Or you can pretend to be a professional beer taster. Who knows?

So, take a break from life, grab a beer so god-awful it’s hard to look at, and entertain yourself for a little bit at College Fest. And if you’re not the rowdy moron, you might actually contribute to a long-lasting good time.

And for Heaven’s sake, recycle. Do it. Recycle all those cans, boxes and bottles. That is all.