Opinion: pancakes, grits and criminal threats?

Andrew Paulsen

Andrew Paulsen

Andrew Paulsen is a columnist for the Daily Kent Stater.

I’m not sure about you, but breakfast is my favorite meal of the day. I enjoy it so much that I’ll often have a bowl of cereal, Eggo waffles or eggs at lunch or dinner. I’m not necessarily meeting the demands of the old food pyramid or the Obama administration redesigned food plate, but it tastes too good for me to really care about the onset of diabetes.

Back home in Toledo, I frequent one of the many available IHOP or Waffle House locations whenever I’m hanging out with friends. Regardless of what time of day it is — morning, afternoon, late night — I can go get breakfast 24/7.

That is unless government authorities raid the local IHOP. A string of IHOP restaurants (six to be exact) in northwest Ohio were raided by the FBI, IRS and a branch of Homeland Security in September 2011 because of alleged ties to money laundering (kind of put a damper on my plans of mass flapjack consumption for a while). Money laundering is the last thing I would imagine happening at IHOP — I figured that cocaine laced pancakes or drug trades would be more likely (how else can those pancakes be so addicting?)

I guess if IHOP is closed you can go to Waffle House, right? The answer is yes, but you need to be careful whose company you keep. Why? The FBI recently uncovered a terrorist plot in November 2011 by a senior citizen militia that frequented a Waffle House in Toccoa, Georgia. If you say hello to your NRA buddies at the counter, you might find yourself linked to new order radicals.

Apparently, people aren’t just getting bacon and grits around the clock at these fine eating establishments anymore.

What troubles me most about these recent events is that they might deter people from eating at Waffle House and IHOP. Both already have a bad track record (last summer, 18 Waffle Houses were robbed in a two week spans in Georgia and Alabama) and these recent developments might drive customers and Waffle Houses and IHOPs away due to a potential drop in revenue and profitability.

I hope this doesn’t happen because I think it’s a strong assumption that these restaurants naturally attract crime. If anything, I believe the reason why these restaurants would be susceptible to criminal behavior is because they’re open 24 hours a day. Think of any time you heard about a fight breaking out near Rosie’s and Tri-Towers (open 24 hours as well) and you might see the correlation. I know that I would like the restaurants to stay open 24/7, but if cutting hours would keep them safer, let’s make it happen.

I hope that you haven’t lost faith in American breakfast restaurants and that you do your part to fight crime — although, I guess if it turns out that IHOP was laundering money you shouldn’t support them (but let’s at least keep Waffle House alive!)

I, for one, will not be a scared American. I will be a patriot and make sure criminals and terrorist threats do not shut down breakfast restaurant commerce.

I will just keep eating more waffles.

Contact Andrew Paulsen at [email protected].