Opinion: Real talk



Mike Crissman

Mike Crissman

Mike Crissman is a junior newspaper journalism major and columnist for the Daily Kent Stater. Contact him at

[email protected].

I wasn’t sure how to conclude my four-semester run as a columnist for The Daily Kent Stater — something I’ve been doing since I was a freshman. Rather than write about a current topic, I decided to compile a list of some choice excerpts from my past columns. Enjoy and thanks for reading:

This past weekend I watched more golf than I ever have in my life. It was all because of Tiger Woods’ adultery.

October is Clint Eastwood.

On clickers: If the Kent State administration forced thousands of naïve freshmen, and countless others, into buying this expensive “learning device,” then the least they can do is make sure it is being used.

If you like homoeroticism, then “Top Gun” is probably your favorite movie. The amount of man-skin in the beach volleyball scene and the many locker room scenes is just gratuitous — gratuitous, yet hilarious at the same time.

Even our teachers knew Bill Nye was better at teaching science than they were.

On “The Catcher in the Rye”: I had to read it as an 11th grader. I remember enjoying the book so much that I “forgot” to turn my copy in when our class finished reading it. I know. Stealing literature is such an outlaw thing to do.

On the 45-minute wait to get Subway when it first opened in the HUB: I know it’s selfish of me to have my cake and eat it too, but seriously it’s not the Millennium Force at Cedar Point. It’s Subway. People act like they’ve never had it before.

Imagine if everyone who ever got diarrhea from eating Taco Bell sued the Mexican fast food restaurant. Nothing would ever get accomplished. Good people would go out of business. Riots would ensue.

On the Kent Police Department: The couple days of detective police work was good practice for a department that is notorious for the high priority they put on comparatively trivial things like underage drinking. Call me crazy, but armed robberies are a little more dangerous — real or fake.

Some people remember the Alamo. Some people remember the Sabbath. I remember James Franco.

On a recent Lady Gaga gimmick: Meat dresses are now a thing of the past. I eat meat dresses for breakfast.

After the first couple takes, the makeup department decided I needed a little something extra and emptied five cans of green hairspray on my hair, filling the room we were filming in with nauseous fumes that got the crew, the other extras and probably Chelsea Handler a little high.

On “SpongeBob” and violence in cartoons: All of a sudden a show about a sponge that owns a house and holds a steady job doesn’t seem so bad.

On the Beastie Boys’ nomination for induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame: The color of their skin shouldn’t give the Jewish rap group a free pass any more than Nickelback shouldn’t get in a plane crash.

While citizens get locked up for protesting economic injustice in cities all over the country, grown men argue over how much they are paid to play basketball amid an NBA lockout.

Matthew McConaughey is a douche.