Opinion: Rick Santorum’s gaydar

Seth Cohen

Seth Cohen

Seth Cohen is a senior magazine journalism major. Contact him at Seth Cohen is a senior magazine journalism major. Contact him at [email protected].

Oh, Rick Santorum, I find you very odd, very confusing and yet very entertaining all at the same time. Why, you might ask? Oh, I don’t know, it probably has something to do with you still fighting against gays and lesbians in the year 2011.

Santorum (R-Pa.), who should be electroshocked and/or lobotomized for his own good, has taken initiative to recap his opinions on why homosexuality does not belong on U.S. soil.

Here’s a tip. I may not be a politician, but in order to run for president in 2012, I’m pretty sure getting more votes doesn’t involve excluding individuals based on their sexual preference, this coming from a Jewish fraternity boy who still has problems spelling “synagogue” without checking Google first.

“Removing ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ I think tries to inject social policy into the military,” Santorum said during one of the Republican presidential primary debates, in response to a question by a proud gay soldier named Stephen Hill, who’s currently serving in Iraq.

Hill asked whether the candidates would attempt to “circumvent the progress that’s been made for gay and lesbian soldiers in the military.” Santorum responded saying he would reinstate the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy if he were to become president.

“We executed a policy that I think was detrimental to everyone,” Santorum said. ”Including them, in my opinion because sex and sexual preference should not be an issue in the military, period.”

In the words of Daily Show host Jon Stewart, “are you out of your f**king mind?” According to Google in 2003, the definition for Santorum is “The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.” As funny as it may be, it’s bias at its best, but I see no problem. This definition was coined by columnist Dan Savage who is against anything having to do with Santorum’s views on the gay community.

Savage, who’s openly gay and has since resurfaced to make sure Santorum doesn’t make it to office, made a video on popular comedy website, Funny or Die, telling Santorum to stop attacking gay people or he will also coin a very horrendous term for the name “Rick.”

“I think I displayed remarkable restraint,” Savage said. “I only redefined your last name. I could’ve redefined your first name too. I still could.”

So, in all the negative feedback that’s come around in not only the gay community, but the straight community as well, leave homosexuality out of the question. Believe it or not, they’re just like everyone else. From now on, I’m just going to call you “Dick Santorum.”