Opinion: Beating women at their own games

Kyle Lindemann

Kyle Lindemann

Kyle Lindemann is a senior communications major and columnist for the Daily Kent Stater. Contact him at [email protected].

Let’s face it; women have a lot of bad rules. Getting the door held for them, automatically assuming they get to be the DJ from the passenger seat, getting everything paid for when they’re out, but one just absolutely stupid and ridiculous rule women have is that if they all go out together, they all have to go home together.

It’s the least logical thing I’ve ever heard of since HBO decided to end “The Sopranos” after six seasons. All it does is complicate everything for the rest of the night. You have to go through more obstacles than a contestant on “Ninja Warrior” to try to get the girl you’ve been talking to at the bar all night back at your place just because she had to go home with her friends.

I mean, think about how self-centered and evil some chicks can be. If a girl didn’t have any guys hit on her all night or if she doesn’t have anyone to go home to later, 99 percent of the time she will try to stop you from getting with her friend.

You have to ask yourself some questions. Does each of her friends have a boyfriend they’re going home to later? A friend with benefits who is only a text away? No one? If all of her friends have guys they are there with at the bar, you’re golden. If not, chicks will ruin your chances every time.

If your girl’s friend doesn’t have a guy lined up, and you’re running a high risk of going home empty-handed, you could just borrow a page from my playbook: Go up to random, well-dressed, seemingly non-douchebag single dudes in the bar and tell them to hit on your girl’s friend because she’s single and wants a guy tonight.

Who cares if it’s maybe a little random, awkward and possibly untrue? There’s a lot at stake here. Wars have been fought over this kind of thing. Bill Gates was once asked the secrets of his success and he said you have to have 3 things: depth of vision, be at the right place at the right time and take massive and immediate action. It sounds to me like that applies here.

Sometimes bars, clubs and parties aren’t always the best place to meet ladies. I’ve had high amounts of success at places like Giant Eagle and Starbucks. Sometimes when girls are out at a bar, they tend to have more walls up because they’re expecting to be hit on.

While it is often true that beautiful women are rarely found alone, women often become bullies when they’re in groups. Rarely will I experience rudeness from a girl who is by herself, but get them together and women often become caged lions who have found safety in numbers.

There’s no pressure at Starbucks. Nobody is wearing his or her evening best. Go in the afternoon, when girls are more relaxed and aren’t feeling the pressure that can often fill the air on a single woman’s Friday night. On Sunday afternoons at Giant Eagle, feel free to fly under the radar like Zorro rappelling down the side of a building to save the day.