Let robots do our jobs

Dominique Lyons

My friends, the era of the machine has come!

I began my Thursday as I do all Thursdays: I woke up. After doing my dailies, I learned that I would be spending my morning (called “the afternoon” by some) pulling weeds. Two hours (and enough pulled weeds to fill a nation) later, I could do nothing except lumber to my bed, pull up my covers, and enter into a deep, after-work slumber (during which, incidentally, I dreamt of donut burgers).

It wasn’t until the golden glare of the late-afternoon sun greeted my waking form that I realized it was time to hand off the grueling work baton to robots.

Sure, some of them are emotionless, cold, calculating automatons, but they also do our work for us, and I’d be willing to risk a robot uprising if it meant I never had to do physical work again (I’m not lazy; I’m scrawny – and maybe just a tad bit lazy).

Creating robots to do our jobs for us is more than lazy. If we choose to believe the movies, it’s the only way to truly progress into the future: the future of Robocop, the future of Wall-E, the future of Inspector Gadget.

We’ve already set out on the (most likely oil-stained) road to creating robots that handle the less pleasant aspects of life (like hard, honest, respectable work) for us. We have industrial robots that make it easier to make stuff; domestic robots that I imagine would be used much like Rosy from The Jetsons; medical robots that help with surgeries, adding a level of precision and stillness that a human could not hope to accomplish (have you ever tried to hold your hand completely still? It’s nigh impossible); military robots that make killing bad guys safer than a walk in suburbia; and also toys, because anything with a battery is arguably a robot.

None of these robots are at the level of Bender from “Futurama” yet, but give us a few decades and alcohol-binging robots will be common in the workplace.

A lot of people will disagree, and a few will (assuming anyone actually reads my column) respond with angry, demeaning and probably very well-informed diatribes in my comments section online. But for those of you (hopefully scientists) who read this and go, “Eureka! I must science up some robots to work on yards! Yard-working robots – Yardbots!” remember whom to give dues for the amazing name.

Dominique Lyons is a sophomore news major. Contact him at [email protected]