Opinion: Two and a half grams

Dylan Lusk

Dylan Lusk

Dylan Lusk is a sophomore electronic media production major and a columnist for the Daily Kent Stater. Contact him at [email protected].

It’s a new week, and you know what that means. A new Charlie Sheen hospital visit.

So Charlie Sheen’s latest porn star-filled coke binge has landed him in the hospital, miraculously enough, with a hernia.

If you don’t recall, he was also hospitalized back in October. This was after he trashed a hotel, got wasted, and did coke, all while a porn star was locked in the bathroom.

What I’m getting at is, the man is a freaking rock star, and a quality one at that.

The executives of his show “Two and a Half Men” want to force him in to rehab, but he just doesn’t screw up. The man does coke off of porn stars all night, but still manages to make it to work. That’s an American.

You can’t blame all of this on Sheen though; some blame should be put toward CBS. The man makes $1.9 million dollars an episode. The last season of “Two and a Half Men” had 22 episodes. So that’s over $40 million per season. Maybe he’s just doing all these drugs because he has nothing else to do with the money? Of course he’s going to do drugs with porn star Bree Olson. That’s what any sane person would do with that kind of bank.

The best part about it is, everyone still loves him. I’m sure it’s because “Two and Half Men” is aimed at middle-aged women. Once you win them over, you’re in.

My grandma watches “Two and a Half Men” every week and still likes Charlie Sheen. If I drunkenly trashed a hotel room with a porn star, I would definitely not be getting any Christmas gifts from her that year. That’s just the effect he has on people.

I think that drug addicts everywhere should learn from Sheen. I mean what would Candy Finningan say to Charlie Sheen if he were on “Intervention”? That his addiction leads to him making tons of money and sleeping with porn stars? Yeah, I wouldn’t quit either.

If anything “Intervention” should hire him as a specialist. It’s about time he gets a gig on a quality Monday night show anyway. He could teach the addicts to be more like him, and be successful and awesome. That’s what an addict really wants to hear.

I’m saying we keep the War on Drugs and end the War on Charlie Sheen. The world needs more addicts like him. Children need a role model like Sheen. He really shows that you can do whatever you set your mind to.

Sheen has checked into rehab since his hospitalization. I can respect that decision because you can’t bang porn stars and do briefcases full of coke forever. Trust me. However, unlike all of his close relatives, I am hoping that when he leaves rehab he continues to be an inspiration to us all and keeps living the American dream.