Thought ‘death panels’ were a good idea?

…Then here are some other government-run panels that might make life better for the rest of us.

Name panel

Really Gwyneth Paltrow. You named your kid apple? Let’s face it, sometimes kids need saved from their own parents. A panel that rejects riduculous names would be just fine with us.

American Idol panel

We love American Idol. But sometimes, they waste our time with awful singers. It only makes sense for contestants to go before a government panel before the actual panel of judges to root out the really bad ones. Prime time is just too valuable to waste.

Driver’s license panel

It’s really no secret that old people can’t drive. The question is, at what age does a person go senile? Unfortnetly, that age is different for everybody, which is why a panel might do wonders.

Bad movie panel

Tired of wasting your money on that movie that looks hilarious, and then turns out to be a disappointment? A government panel could decide which movies are just too stupid for release and save us all $9.50 from time to time.

Fame panel

Fame is very serious here in America, and it shouldn’t be taken lightly. We adore our celebrities and it’s a national disgrace when people who don’t deserve fame (aka: octomom) steal the spotlight. We need a government panel to tell us who’s glamourous and popular, since MTV is not doing it’s job right.

Old student panel

We all have had class with that old person that sits in the very front row, and we know what you’re thinking: ‘That person is too old for college.’ This panel would root out all the ‘non-traditionals’ and save the seats (and financial aid) for younger folks who still have a chance to pass micro economics.

Lindsay panel

Tax-payers spend a ton of money on Lindsay Lohan’s judge every year. Since there’s no sign that she’ll be out of the court system any time soon, it seems like a strain on the justice system that a judge always seems to be at her disposal. A special panel that oversaw her legal troubles and rehab attempts might save resources for other addicts.