It’s beginning to feel a lot like Halloween!

This Halloween column goes out to all the ladies – yeah, I can do that, just like a school dance DJ. Men, you can keep reading if you want. I mean, it won’t like de-masculinize you. And it might get a bit sexy!

I went to a costume shop the other day to research what exactly Belle from Beauty and The Beast and and Alice from Alice in Wonderland, respectively, wore for a paper I had to write for my What Fictional Characters Wore: Jesus to Jacob from Twilight class.

According to their costume selection, Belle and Alice were kind of scantily clad. In fact, if you were at the bottom of the rabbit hole, you probably had an interesting show when Alice fell down it, and Belle wasn’t so much playing hard-to-get as she was dressing like a stripper and staring off into space suggestively.

But it wasn’t just Belle and Alice, all of the costumes were a bit tight-fitting and lacking in fabric — oh, I’ll just say it — they were all kind of “whorey.” So I promptly turned to the store clerk, yelled, “Well, I never!” and stormed out of the store.

There’s a scene in Mean Girls written by the brilliant Tina Fey in which Lindsay Lohan’s character shows up to a Halloween costume party dressed as the bride of Frankenstein. Her friends, dressed as whorey versions of mice, cats, and bunnies, are surprised when she shows up to the party not dressed like a total slut.

This is true to life. Every Halloween, most of my women friends and even my sister, dress as scantily clad versions of referees, Batman, Robin, witches, nuns, etc.

In fact, a friend of mine expressed interest in going as a banana one Halloween, but decided that it was not slutty enough, and she would be laughed at if she went through with it. And bananas are hilarious, people!

This issue really plagues me because it’s a cruel and unusual pressure for women to have. Victoria’s Secret even sells costumes now, which is funny, because DON’T THEY NORMALLY SELL, LIKE, LINGERIE AND LOTION?

And I don’t think lotion counts as a costume! I think that females should have the same worries that I have: to wear a costume that’s sort of original and kind of funny.

At this rate, women will all just wear red tape that spells out “SEX” over their breasts and crotch for future Halloweens.

It’s Halloween. It’s about fun and candy. You’re women. And being a woman shouldn’t just be about having a woman’s body. Women can be smart and clever. If you want to go as a drugged out Hannah Montana, do it! If you want to go as Oscar the Grouch, go on ahead!

Smart women, take back Halloween! It should be about what you’re wearing, not how little.

Chance Carmichael is a columnist for the University Daily Kansan at the University of Kansas.