Levi’s got it right

Bo Gemmell

Impregnating “polar trash” can lead a young man to staggering new career opportunities, as demonstrated by Levi Johnston.

The 19-year-old Alaskan rose to semi-stardom last year when Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin announced her daughter, Bristol, was five months pregnant by Johnston.

The Republicans lost the presidency in November. The two youngsters broke up shortly after the kid popped out in December, and they canceled their plans for marriage.

Now, nearly a year later, we find out that Johnston might’ve turned to what any reasonable man in his position would: “porn.”

Pornography is the lifeblood of the World Wide Web and a welcome addiction to men and women everywhere. If you think those funny videos on YouTube get a lot of hits, you should check out the hit counts of the videos on sites with user-uploaded streaming pornography: Those videos are so viral that some viewers might think they’ve caught a sexually transmitted disease.

Now enter young Levi Johnston, a semi-celebrity falling out of the spotlight. Knocking up the daughter of one of the most well-known politicians in modern America might get him attention, but it doesn’t get him money.

Not until Playgirl calls.

Johnston made a strategic choice that would gain him attention and money: He did a photo shoot with one of the top online erotic publications for heterosexual women.

I can’t think of a better career move for someone in his position. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you a media-propelled sex scandal, make sexually suggestive camera poses.

I would love to get paid to pose for such a prestigious magazine but not at the expense of creating a child with a Palin – or having sex, period, in the cold state of Alaska.

Posing for Playgirl, however, is not “porn,” nor is it “heartbreaking,” as Sarah Palin asserted on the Oprah Winfrey Show.

“I continue to hope for the best, and I pray for Levi,” she told Winfrey.

If Sarah Palin weren’t already knee-deep in prayer, I’d ask her to pray that I be blessed with the awesome opportunity bestowed on Johnston. Again, Playgirl isn’t obscene smut or porn; it’s just exhibitionism for profit.

Male bodies are all about the same: Some are fat and some are ripped, but they all have two useless nipples and some external genitalia.

But to be picked to show yours in an online magazine known to just about everyone? That’s an honorable story to pass on to your grandchildren. Real porn dominates the Internet, and the soft stuff Johnston’s doing is even more socially accepted.

So it’s time we all kick back and confess the true powers of lust on the Internet. Sarah Palin can “go rogue” or whatever she wants to tell herself, but the truth is that Johnston’s the one in vogue.

Bo Gemmell is a senior magazine journalism major and columnist for the Daily Kent Stater. Contact him at [email protected].