Beyoncé serves up little for the film’s audience

I didn’t realize “Obsessed” was a comedy.

But as the audience laughed along with me at the horrible acting and stereotypical characters, I was convinced this wasn’t technically a suspenseful thriller.

I’ll be honest. The only movie I’ve ever seen with Beyoncé Knowles in it was “Austin Powers in Goldmember,” and I should have kept it that way.

Real Quick: OBSESSED Starring Beyoncé Knowles, Idris Elba, Ali Larter Directed by Steve Shill Distributed by Screen Gems Rated PG-13 Runtine 105 mins. Stater rating (out of five): ★★☆☆☆

“Obsessed” provided me with too much forced black sass. It could have used a little Foxxy Cleopatra to allow the audience to laugh at something that was actually written into the script as funny.

Derek (Idris Elba) and Sharon (Knowles) live the typical, perfect life: married, baby son, good money, awesome house. Then Lisa (Ali Larter) shows up as a temp at Derek’s office. Duh! The blond bombshell drops an armful of files in the elevator and, of course, lingers a little too long on Derek’s hand as he helps her pick them up. So sets up the scene for a creepy obsession – not by Derek, but by Lisa.

All I can say is after you push aside the bad acting, the movie did truly make me uncomfortable with the awkward obsession between that creepy girl from all those “Final Destination” movies and that black guy from “The Office” – no, not Stanley.

I’m kind of glad Beyoncé’s sass gave me room to laugh before I got sick to my stomach at how obsessed and crazy Larter’s character could be.

In one perfect scene, Lisa overdoses on prescription pills because Derek won’t accept her. When Derek finds her, he calls for help and then tries to revive her. The best quote of the movie is when he yells, “Breathe, bitch!” and the entire movie theater erupted. I was thankful I wasn’t the only one who found the script to be absolutely ridiculous.

Beyoncé continues with stereotypical characters when Ms. Bootylicious herself headbutts Lisa and tells her to “bring it.” I’m surprised she didn’t first take out her earrings before firing with the sass.

The only stereotypical actor I did enjoy was Patrick, the gay secretary to Derek. His quick one-liners gave me what Foxxy Cleopatra could have: comic relief that was intended as comic relief.

But the best and most memorable part of the movie for me was Hank, the human resources guy. He was on screen for less than two minutes but was played by Richard Ruccolo, my long lost love from the sitcom “Two Guys and a Girl.”

Obviously, the movie was full of not-worth-mentioning actors, it was produced by Beyoncé and her father, and if I’m not mistaken, I’m pretty sure I saw Magic Johnson’s name flash across the screen as helping in some way.

“Obsessed” isn’t worth the obsession and definitely not worth the ticket price.

Oh, girl, no you didn’t!

Contact assistant all editor Kelly Pickerel at [email protected].