I’ll give you something to cry about

Kristine Gill

Sometimes it just feels good to cry. I’m sure few men would agree with me on this, but for those of you who don’t mind turning on the waterworks once in a while, I have two suggestions.

The first is to rent Meet Joe Black. It’s a movie with Brad Pitt and Anthony Hopkins. It’s about Death embodying Brad Pitt’s character and telling Anthony Hopkins that he is going to die soon and that he had better show him around Earth for a few days unless he wants to die even sooner. So of course he shows Death around, and in the process Death falls in love with Hopkins’ daughter. He has to leave her though when he takes Hopkins to heaven or wherever. But really, in the end, the guy whose body Death took comes back because he’s done with the body.

It is riveting. Well maybe not riveting. It’s a very slow-paced three-hour movie. I guess the riveting part is knowing that a good cry awaits you at the end of the film. And while it may not sound like a great plot — I’ll admit the dialogue can be pretty corny — this orchestra plays music throughout the entire film and it makes it that much more dramatic. If you’re worried about whether you, as the audience, will be able to fall in love with Death too, have no fear. I assure you that Brad Pitt is just as easy to love no matter what is embodying him.

There’s a song during the credits that meshes “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” with “What a Wonderful World.” It’s the second song that really gets to me. Because by golly, I might like to complain about the mountain of homework I have, the uncertain summer ahead of me, and the spare tire of fat concealing my six-pack, but it is a wonderful world! At least for Brad Pitt and the lucky gal who got to play opposite him. I wonder what sort of stories she’s going to tell her grandkids.

And yes, there is a sex scene in the movie. With Anthony Hopkins. Just kidding! But boy, what a good cry that would be!

But seriously, if you’re afraid to die and you aren’t dating Brad Pitt, you will cry by the end of this movie.

If movies aren’t your thing maybe you like poetry. This one only really works if you have or had a dog and liked it. If you didn’t or don’t like your dog you might get a laugh out of it. The truth is the poem I’m about to suggest you read is the epitome of corny, cheesy, gag yourself poetry.

It’s called “Rainbow Bridge,” and it’s about what happens to your dog when it dies. Apparently, it goes to a place called Rainbow Bridge where it gets to play with all the other dogs that have kicked the bucket. (I’m trying to keep this light-hearted because if I get too serious, I’ll lose it.) All the dogs get to chillax together and enjoy their renewed health, but they’re all a little sad because they miss us owners who are still on Earth, probably playing with our new puppies.

But rather than get upset about having been replaced, our dogs frolic until there comes a day when we die, too. Fortunately, God knows whether or not you’ve owned a pet so he routes all the pet owners to Rainbow Bridge where we get to stop and reunite with our dogs. The poem says it’s a great reunion and that our dog is just thrilled to see us because it’s just been so long and it couldn’t tell you the last time someone kicked it in the ribs for licking the kitchen floor.

At the end of the poem, and after your little reunion, you and your dog cross Rainbow Bridge, which hopefully leads to heaven, together. There you meet Anthony Hopkins who’s been waiting with Death up in heaven since 1999 when he filmed the movie and is just kicking himself for taking the role and playing it so realistically. He’s probably muttering something about “a wonderful world.” Cut him a break if he’s crying.

Kristine Gill is a sophomore newspaper journalism major and columnist for the Daily Kent Stater. Contact her at [email protected].