Fall fashion can always include two-headed monster suit

Kristine Gill

Halloween is coming up. Well sort of. I guess there’s more than a month left before people actually get dressed up and go out, but pretty soon we’ll have to start brainstorming for costume ideas. Of course there will be those of us who simply don lingerie, a set of fairy or, more ironically, angel wings and gobs of makeup. These people need about two hours notice before they go out.

But what about those of us who don’t want to freeze to death in the streets of downtown Kent?

It’s fine. I’ll just bundle up real tight and run the risk of looking lame. Maybe I’ll go as a bear again and sweat under a few pounds of synthetic fur. Maybe people will point and laugh. Maybe they’ll ask why I’m not showing more skin. I really don’t want to be the only one though.

So ladies, I’d like to discuss some tasteful alternatives. Instead of your favorite g-string and set of heels, why not find a friend and go together as something creative, such as a two-headed monster. Yeah, that’s good. Wear a big green suit that covers your entire body. When you’re out on the town, you’ll feel safe knowing the stares you’re getting are all from wholesome men whose science fiction fanaticism you just happen to appeal to.

If you think that idea is a little strange, consider something classic. Perhaps a hideous, old witch. Get one of those fade hooked noses and paint your face green. The more synthetic warts you add the better. Remember, the key here is to look authentic.

You might also consider your standard ghost. Get a clean bed sheet and put it over your head. Have a friend locate your eyes from the other side of the sheet. Your friend should not be under the sheet with you. This is key. Have him cut holes in the sheet for you to see through. Scissors are sharp, so do this with a friend you trust.

Volunteer to be the designated driver and you won’t even have to cut a hole for your mouth. This should make you happy as your “friend” seems to have snipped more than just sheet while cutting eye holes for you. Note: Fear not; bleeding on the sheet enhances the authenticity of your ensemble.

If none of these suggestions appeal to you, then I ask only one favor: That you devote time and thought to your costume. Remember, look authentic. If you’re going as a bumblebee I want to see antennae, a stinger and pollen all over your furry body. You will not be considered a bumblebee simply because you’re wearing black and yellow. But if you’re going as a sexy devil then I guess people should feel sinful looking at you. And if you’ve decided to be a firefighter you should smolder.

Dress however you want, just make it authentic.

Most importantly, have fun preparing your costume. When that big night comes, I’ll see you out there on the streets. I’ll be the one with a skimpy green skirt, silver boots, a garter and a leprechaun sidekick. I’m going as a good luck charm and a hypocrite. Whoever said Halloween was about looking authentic just wanted to see you looking ridiculous as a two-headed monster.

Kristine Gill is a sophomore journalism major and a columnist for the Daily Kent Stater. Contact her at [email protected].