In *** We Trust

Donny Sobnosky

Oh censorship, you are a peculiar creature.

While listening to the radio the other day, I heard that new Fall Out Boy song, and I couldn’t help noticing what I heard in the lyrics. More like what I didn’t hear.

“This ain’t a scene, it’s a *** damn arms race.”

Now I can think of a few things that make hearing this seem strange. Since when did ‘God’ become a swear word? I know it’s the context that makes it possibly offensive to some, but if you’re going to use that excuse, at least blur out the entire word ‘Goddamn’ and not just the God part. Even to hear “it’s a God **** arms race” would make more sense.

The really funny part about this is when Buckcherry came on right after Fall Out Boy and I was treated to this conundrum of censorship: “Hey, you’re a crazy bitch, but you **** so good I’m on top of it” Well, at least we’re all still protected from the “f” word, thank ***.

But why is it OK to hear the “b” word from Buckcherry, and not from Kelis? Surely you recall her “I’m Bossy” song, which was ending its run on the radio right when Buckcherry’s hit started getting airtime. Kelis wanted us all to know that she’s “the bitch y’all love to hate,” but if you wanted to hear the version with the word in question, you had to go buy the CD or download the explicit version off iTunes, because you weren’t going to hear her say it on the radio, and you also weren’t going to hear Too $hort tell you to “make some noise, raise your hands if you a boss b****” either.

So let me get this straight, on the radio, we can’t say ‘God’, but we can say ‘bitch’ (sometimes), ‘damn’ is OK too, but certainly not ‘f***’, which I can’t even write fully in this column.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate these songs; the Buckcherry one is a pretty good tune. All I’m looking for here is some consistency from the powers that be at the Federal Communications Commission.

But the folks at the FCC aren’t the only people who have me scratching my head in confusion. I’m also wondering about some of today’s moms and dads and the consistency of their parenting.

The parents out there that who are more concerned with sexuality than violence in movies need to be punched in the face.

I worked at a movie theater for more than four years, and when parents (usually mothers) came up with their 8- or 9-year-old kids (usually boys) asking me if there was any nudity in Saw or House of 1000 Corpses, I could only imagine what kind of thought process led them to the conclusion that seeing a boob is more harmful to their children than seeing someone cut his own foot off, or witnessing someone being tortured and then shot in the face.

Attention bad parents out there: More likely than not, your child will eventually grow up, get married and have kids. If not, they just might get laid somewhere along the line, because sex is a normal part of life. What is NOT a normal part of life is for your child to slip into a comatose state after having their brain openly operated on by someone named Dr. Satan.

Donny Sobnosky is a senior video and film programming major and columnist for the Daily Kent Stater. Contact him at [email protected].