If you can’t handle it, you can’t have it

Alexia Harris

You can say I have three full-time jobs.

Besides being a full-time mother and student, maintaining a good relationship with my boyfriend takes a lot of time, too.

It was difficult to keep our bond strong this summer because we lived six hours away from each other for three months. On top of that, we hardly got to talk to on the telephone because he was always working, and when he wasn’t working, he was “tired.”

But when he came back to school, things still weren’t right.

I felt like I didn’t know him anymore. He wasn’t the same person I fell in love with. He was different.

Being in the same room with him was awkward. His touch felt strange. And his presence was weird.

It was as if, even though he would be in the same room as me, his mind and energy were somewhere else.

I would try to talk to him about how I was feeling, but it seemed to make things worse.

I am the type of person who helps people as much as I can. When he was having problems, I was the one whose shoulder he cried on. When he was sick, I cared for him. When he was down, I catered to him.

I don’t think you heard me.

I offered my car when he needed transportation, my bed when he was tired and food when he was hungry.

I thought that the things provided would be mutual, but I was wrong, and come to find out, not alone.

My friend Sasha is also having relationship troubles.

“I just don’t understand,” Sasha said. “It has to be the water.”

There needs to be set rules to all relationships. Everything should be equal, you know, “I have your back, you have mine.”

I just want to be happy. I want someone who cares about my feelings and what is going on in my life.

So, to combat these problems, I have developed a few relationship rules. Hopefully, they will prevent you from having the same problems as Sasha and I.

• I don’t want someone to take care of me or splurge on me (even though every once in while that would be nice).

• I like to be able to do things for myself, but if I’m struggling, my man should be able to make up for where I lack.

• I shouldn’t have to ask or beg for anything. If you see I need something, then PROVIDE.

• Don’t talk about spending the rest of your life with me if I’m just a temporary thing.

• Don’t spend time with me if you really don’t want to.

• Don’t be stingy with your assets and expect me to be openly giving with mine.

• Don’t give me your undivided attention in private and pay me no mind in public.

• Don’t let your ego get the best of you. If you act like a fool in front of your friends, I won’t be around for very long.

• Don’t leave me guessing. If you don’t want to be with me, then speak your mind.

• Don’t try to take advantage of me. I’ve learned from previous relationships, and I vow not to make the same mistakes.

So guys, step your game up. And if you can’t handle all of me, then you can’t have any of me.

Alexia Harris is a junior public relations major and columnist for the Daily Kent Stater. Contact her at [email protected].