The conservative voice takes leave

Don Norvell

Come my friend, to fate let’s raise

Two finger shots at this our last soiree

For tomorrow I fear

Swoops all too deadly near.

– Cradle of Filth, “Absinthe with Faust”

For three semesters, I have scarred the terminally whiny socialist ideology of this campus and rubbed in the salty wisdom of limited government. As fun as it has been, I must now take my leave of the Daily Kent Stater, for I believe in term limits. I have had my opportunity speak out. It is now someone else’s turn.

Overall, I would say my tenure has been quite successful.

About one third of my columns have been picked up by U-Wire, which is impressive considering the mind-numbing liberal garbage that usually gets picked up.

More importantly, I have received e-mails from 14 fans and had the pleasure of meeting more whenever we happened to be at the same bar at the same time. Sadly, no hot chicks have asked me to autograph their bra straps, but considering the success I am destined to have, that day will come soon enough (as will the ladies).

Anyway, I sincerely hope that I have inspired other South Park Conservatives to apply to be columnists in the fall. My nemesis has expressed his intentions of returning, and someone needs to keep him in check. Even if you are not working for the Stater, write as many letters to the editor as you can.

There was a gross lack of letters this semester. When a columnist or the editorial board sucks, it is your First Amendment right to rip him a new one. And then, become a columnist yourself to prove you really are better. That’s how I got here.

The basic point is that we Americans have become too complacent. Ever since Comrade Frankie became president, the government has gotten away with crap that was completely unacceptable 100 years ago, and the politicians won’t stop usurping power until we stop them.

Both Republican and Democratic parties have expanded the government’s power, and socialists want to expand it far beyond anything the “repubmocrats” are currently willing to consider. Therefore, we must all vote for candidates who truly believe in minimal government.

Do not be afraid of “wasting your vote.” It is a self-fulfilling prophesy. It is true only as long as enough people believe it and truly waste their votes on repubmocrats and socialists.

Our parents, grandparents and great-grandparents have forgotten what limited government means. Worse still, our generation has gone far down the same path. If we are not to repeat the errors of the past century, we must vote to minimize the government in this election and every election hereafter.

We are no longer the future.

We are the present.

God, save us all!

And yes, I am still threatening to run for president in 2024.

Don Norvell is a physics graduate assistant and a columnist for the Daily Kent Stater. Contact him at [email protected].