We all love to love the bad guy. Al Pacino practically became a legend overnight after depicting characters such as Tony Montana in Scarface and Michael Corleone in The Godfather. Even real life gangsters like Al Capone, John Gotti and Lucky Luciano left their indelible mark upon our collective imaginations. This shoot-em-up, fast paced lifestyle gave way to the “heroes” of hip-hop. The gangster persona is so much a fixture of the hip-hop culture that sometimes the line visibly blurs. Companies like Murder Inc. – headed up by Irv “Gotti” Lorenzo and artists like Scarface, Beanie Siegel and Crime Mob characterize the ideals of what a gangster would be today.

But as we all know, they’re not real gangsters. Nine times out of ten, a rapper would more likely sign an autograph than fire a gun. So, it’s safe to say that your favorite rapper is not the next person to pull off the caper of the century. But I know who the realest gangster to never get caught is: Dick Cheney.

Cheney is the master at bucking the authority that he controls. Not to be grandiose about it, but Cheney may be the white Tupac Shakur of the GOP. There isn’t anyone dead or alive that can test Cheney’s mettle. I mean, who else do you know can cuss out Senator Leahy on the Senate floor and get away with it? I’ll say this: The man has balls. According to an article on MSNBC.com, the incident occurred after Leahy was calling for a congressional hearing into whether the vice president helped Halliburton win lucrative contracts in Iraq after the United States-led war that overthrew Saddam Hussein.

It’s assumedly even safe to say that Dick Cheney shot that lawyer on purpose. Whittington was probably running off at the mouth about how Cheney was extorting Iraqis for oil. In anger, Cheney let loose a round straight to grill-piece. How can you get anymore gangster than that? Oh, wait, how about airing out the identities of CIA agents, dodging investigations into his former job and its ties to the war in Iraq, not having a press conference for the media since 2002 and walking away, seemingly scot-free from spying on the American public to make sure that we don’t buck his authority? Who can stand up to that? Suge Knight may be a scary guy, but you can’t even name a rapper with a resume or a portfolio that could stand up to the Imperial Cheney. Oh, did I mention that the IC will probably never see any jail time?

Nevermind the fact that while Cheney has the time to hunt quail, Katrina undesirables are being evicted from their homes, the deficit is at an all-time high and our troops will probably have their grandchildren fighting in Iraq. The devil finds mischief for idle hands.

All wannabe rappers take heed. Stop imitating Ja Rule, 50 Cent and Jay-Z – real gangsters move in silence and Dick Cheney looks to be the Al Capone of our generation. That doesn’t mean that Bush isn’t any less of a crook – he’s just more of the bumbling variety.

Did I pique your interest? Curious? If you’re really real, then get familiar at http://realrecognizereal.wordpress.com.

Kevin L. Clark is a sophomore journalism major and a columnist for the Daily Kent Stater. Contact him at [email protected].