Point/counterpoint is a much beloved staple of the Daily Kent Stater, but it is flawed in some respects. For example, to get both of the contrary viewpoints (which is pivotal to the process) you have to digest all of the information from two columns! That’s two more columns than some Kent students, who shall remain nameless, have EVER read.

Well, here at Nick Moose’s view, we pride ourselves in bringing you more bang for your (nonexistent) buck, so today, we present two frosted mini-columns for the price of one.

In the time it would normally take you to get just one of the sides of this proverbial coin, you’ll be introduced to both. I give you : POINT/COUNTERPOINT: WAS THERE A GUY INSIDE OF CHEWBACCA?

 

THERE WASN’T A GUY INSIDE OF CHEWBACCA

BY NICK MOOSE

American are retards. For years now, the debate has raged on whether or not Chewbacca — the beloved Wookie navigator of the Millennium Falcon — was an illusion conjured up with special effects.

With the approaching release date of The Revenge of the Sith, the final film in George Lucas’s trilogy of Star Wars prequels which will prominently feature Mr. Bacca, the flame of the decades old argument will no doubt re-ignite.

What if I came up to you and was like, “Hey, is there a guy inside of you?” Would you be pissed? Nobody ever asks if there’s a guy inside of Han Solo! Do you know why that is? Because Han Solo IS a guy!

I can hear the American public now, “You can’t fit a guy inside of a guy!”

A typical response, considering that the American public is composed almost completely of guys!

Well guys, I have a suggestion for you. Go rent Star Wars, and take a good long look at Chewbacca. Do you still think there’s a guy inside? I don’t.

And on a side note, do you think you could tell Chewbacca to his face that he’s not real? I’d ask you to write in to let me know if you do, but I’d imagine it would be hard to operate a keyboard with the bloody stumps where your arms once were.

 

OF COURSE THERE WAS A GUY INSIDE OF CHEWBACCA

BY NICK MOOSE

I consider myself a big fan of the whole Star Wars movie-landmark-pop culturalish-franchise-a-ma-bob thing.

I’ve watched The Empire Strikes Back more times than I’ve masturbated about Lindsay Lohan and I’m here to tell ya kids — Chewbacca CLEARLY has a guy in him.

“How can you be so sure Mr. Smart Guy?” you’re probably asking. Well, I’ve seen Wookies in real life, my friend, and they’re shorter.

Obviously George Lucas, with the budgetary constraints that plagued his original trilogy, could not afford a real Wookie.

Besides it was the ’70s; Wookies hadn’t even come to earth yet.

Who knows though, what with the considerably larger amount of scratch Lucas has available to him these days, he might be able to coax one of the genuine articles into portraying his hairy and fictitious navigator.

The Ewoks though — those were real.

Nick Moose is a senior “knowing stuff about crap” major. Nick Moose is too. They are both columnists for the Daily Kent Stater. Send all angry letters for either of him to [email protected].