WEB EXCLUSIVE COLUMN: The Kent State awards

Bob Patrick

I remember when I could turn on VH-1 and expect to see something wholesome, like Michael Bolton, on Pop-up Video. Unfortunately, the days of music videos on basic cable are over and Michael Bolton is in prison (I think). Now pop-culture-savvy channels have become inundated with shows that arbitrarily rank everything from shitty songs to ugliest children of celebrities.

In the spirit of the ranking stuff craze, I wanted to compile my own list of best and worst things right here at Kent State University. If some obscure stand-up comedian or reality show has-been can spout off on “Best Week Ever” about what they think is cool and funny, then so can I.

– Most overrated bar in Kent: Glory Days. I’m not taking anything away from the clientele, but the space between the bar and the wall is narrower than a republican ROTC cadet’s mind. The dimly lit, cramped basement seems better suited for meeting a Mafia soldier to hand off a bag of cash than for drinking beer with friends.

– Most underrated bar: The Venice Café. This is the bar that time forgot; every time I walk in I expect to see James Cagney roughing-up some jerk by the pool tables. Also, they sell 40s of beer. Where else can you pick up one of those downtown?

– Worst undergraduate degree: Conflict management. It just is.

– Best undergraduate degree: Any degree which allows you to take a lower division philosophy class in place of college algebra.

– Worst Streets in Kent: Loop road. It’s not a loop and doesn’t connect to anything. Also, the section of Lincoln between 59 and Summit should be closed. Maybe we could get someone from Saddam Hussein’s regime to come and have a look at Lincoln, because the roads in Baghdad are in better shape.

– Best Street in Kent: Franklin. Well, at least the end where the bars are. College Street gets an honorable mention in this category.

– Best recent campus renovation or improvement: They have finally taken down all of the “Thinking About Your Drinking?” signs that have been up since I started going to Kent State in 2000. The people in those posters are probably thinking about their mortgage and little Jimmy’s braces by now, not their drinking.

– Worst recent renovation or improvement: The new Hub. Unfortunately, freshmen never got to enjoy the old Hub in all of its glory. Sure it may have been less brightly lit, but it was a small price to pay for having McDonald’s, Mark Pi’s and Subway right on campus. The food choices in the new Hub leave something to be desired. A&W is supposed to be a drive-in place and Mein Bowl can’t hold a packet of soy sauce up to old Mark’s.

– Best party dorms: None of them. In spite of alleged red bull-spiked all-night study sessions in the honors dorms, living at Kent State has remained fairly tame.

– Lamest Academic hall name: Auditorium. That’s all they could come up with? Some old Kent State alumnus must have died recently to name the place after. Coming in a close second would be the Math and Science building. It just sounds boring.

– Best Academic hall name: Patrick Hall, one fine day.

Bob Patrick is a junior political science major and a columnist for the Daily Kent Stater. Contact him at [email protected].