Monthly Kent Satire

As the Undergraduate Student Senate elections come to a close, excitement on campus is reaching fever pitch. Much to the dismay of the two or three people closely observing this year’s race, the outcome seems like a foregone conclusion. Unopposed candidates will fill five of the nine senator spots, including the executive director position.

The unopposed candidates are expected by many analysts to sweep the student relations, business and finance, academic affairs, community affairs and executive director races.

“The people who are not running against anybody have the best chance this year,” student political analyst Ben Fernerbie said. “This is going to be a big year for senators with no competition, and, barring an unforeseen disaster, they are going have a huge showing.”

Unless some last minute competition steps in and spoils the candidates’ plans, the uncontested positions are most likely going to the only people running for them.

But a few write-in candidates have the competition shaking in their boots.

Eddie Wienertuck is apparently poised to enter the race as a write-in candidate. Recently, messages encouraging students to vote for this dark-horse candidate were posted on the USS Web site.

Running unopposed has not deterred candidates from hitting the campaign trail and stumping campus. Prospective senators are working especially hard to capture the key demographic of fraternity brothers and people they know from class. In a blatant display of either presumptuousness or obviousness, candidates who already have their respective elections in the bag still posted campaign fliers around campus bearing their names and likeness. Some feel this is a thinly veiled effort to legitimize what is becoming a demonstration on how not to run a student government.

Short video clips can be found on the USS Web site in which candidates talk about themselves and discuss the goals they hope to achieve if elected. This year’s diverse array of platforms will undoubtedly include ambitious agendas that candidates will never have the real influence or means to implement.

Contact undergraduate affairs reporter Bob Patrick at [email protected].