Even as an undergrad, I almost never partied on school nights because I actually cared about attending class. Yet, there was one school night on which no one could ever fall asleep at a decent hour.

No, not election night. Super Bowl Sunday!

Don’t get me wrong. I have tremendous respect for football, for it is probably the last bastion of rugged manliness that political correctness has not taken off of network television. No faint-hearted pansy could hit the ground that hard only to get up and be tackled again. What happened to the good, old days when the networks carried cage fighting … or at least boxing?

While few people may realize it, football is under attack. Thankfully, there are still enough true football fans to prevent an outright ban. Thankfully, there are still enough true football fans to prevent the networks from canceling coverage.

Therefore, the politically correct have resorted to the same tactic that is destroying Christmas. Forgive me if I sound like a dirty, rotten socialist, but football is being commercialized to death! True fans do not care what kinds of commercials interrupt the game. True fans only care that the commercials are kept to a minimum so we may focus on what is really important: FOOTBALL!

While the regular season may be safe for now, the Super Bowl is quickly being relegated to the level of the paid programming that dominates TV from 3 to 7 in the morning. The Super Bowl suffers the humiliation of being the one event people watch solely for the commercials. To make matters worse, these commercials promote shoddy products like Bud Light with themes — such as a dog biting a man’s genitals — that are contrary to masculinity, which the game represents.

Real men do not drink diet beer; real men respect each others’ manhood. The NFL is abetting the killing of football by pandering to those who have no respect for the game or men in general. The fans only get one minute of game play between commercials, and the half-time show serves no purpose other than making me puke my Jack Daniels. It is absolutely inexcusable for football fans and men in general to tolerate the NFL’s disregard for the true meaning of the Super Bowl.

The Super Bowl is supposed to be the two best teams of the season playing the best game of the season, but it is now a sideshow. While I did enjoy seeing Janet Jackson’s right breast for half of a second, the display was completely irrelevant to the task of crowning champions; she should have posed for Playboy. As if the overpriced commercials are not enough, we must suffer through so-called performances by an army of pop bimbos.

UNBELIEVABLE!

Why should a glorious game of football be interrupted to massage the egos of talent-less hacks? It is bad enough that they are grossly overpaid for doing things I would pay them not to do — but that is a column for another week.

The time has come to take action. Our love of the game must become tough love. We must bring the Super Bowl back to its roots. We must give those pencil-necked geeks who are ruining football the ultimate sack. BOYCOTT THE SUPER BOWL!

Don Norvell is a physics graduate assistant and a columnist for the Daily Kent Stater. Contact him at [email protected].