The forever unanswered question veers its ugly head again: Is it a bad thing to have sex before marriage? 

Many people use religion or the Bible to villainize the very normal urge people possess of wanting to have sex with their partner before marriage. I understand the fact that many religious organizations believe it’s unacceptable to perform a lustful act before proclaiming eternal love with a partner, but the decision isn’t that simple. 

I have always known I wanted to have sex before marriage. I wanted the opportunity to explore my sexuality with my partner before binding myself to them for the rest of my life. It’s important to assess sexual compatibility with a partner before wasting time in a relationship with someone you’re not sexually attracted to. 

My first semi-sexual experiences started in high school, but don’t get me wrong, I walked into college a virgin. I had my fair share of make-out sessions while watching Netflix and kissing in a parked car in my driveway, but I never wanted to cross that line until I met the right person. 

Before college, sex always seemed like something to be talked about in hushed tones with blushed cheeks. Everyone else around me was experienced and I enjoyed talking about what it might be like and who it might be with. 

I met my boyfriend about two years ago, and I know it sounds cheesy, because it is, but he was the one I wanted to explore my sexual self with. The only way to understand the fact that sex before marriage isn’t a crime is by accepting that most people have the desire to participate in sexual experiences. 

Having sex before marriage allows couples to better understand their partner and communicate their feelings with each other. Sex connects two people on an emotional level enabling both people to interact in a better way and shed all inhibitions. A relationship that involves sex possesses higher rates of happiness. 

A relationship that lacks sex invites more fights and less physical connection. According to the National Library of Medicine, 95% of people in the U.S. have had premarital sex in their lifetime, further proving that sex is an important milestone in a successful relationship. 

The elephant in the room that keeps a shameful cloud around sex? It’s fun. Sex isn’t just for the people who want to be in a long-term committed relationship. It’s also for people who are searching for a way to explore their sexuality and figure out what they want for themselves. 

Especially in college, sex is a fundamental experience that needs to be talked about openly in order to relinquish the stigma, and ensure that it’s done in a safe and pleasurable way. All our lives we have been told that sex is a negative act that can only end in consequences. While there are consequences to having sex too young –unwanted pregnancy and emotional trauma– sex needs to be frequently talked about to understand both its positive and negative outcomes. 

I lost my virginity my sophomore year of college to my long-term boyfriend. Even though I have little to no experience with a casual sex life with multiple partners, I understand the need for exploration. My first time helped me realize the importance of talking openly about sex. 

Premarital sex offers people an opportunity to explore their relationships. It’s something that should be celebrated, not demonized.

Chloe Robertson is an opinion writer. Contact her at [email protected].