Ladies, don’t walk around at a party with an Ebenezer Scrooge-like scowl and then wonder why no guys talk to you. If you give us the impression that you’d prefer to spend your free time smashing the heads of puppies with a hammer and watching Lorena Bobbitt videos, we aren’t going to approach you.

Guys, never approach a woman from behind. Due to the excess of shows like “Criminal Minds,” reality TV programs and every news channel’s obsession with violent crime, women are made to believe that the world is a lot more dangerous place than it really is. You don’t want her to be spooked by any means.

Women these days are creeped out by the slightest things. If you come up to her from behind, she’s going to feel startled. Approach at a 45-degree angle and keep about an arm’s distance away. Make her feel like its fun to be in your presence, but don’t dominate the talking. Really listen to what she says.

When you’re out and you make eye contact with a girl from across the room more than once, either approach her at that moment or don’t look at her for the rest of the night. You don’t want her thinking you’re a spineless creep who doesn’t have the guts to talk to her. Besides, if you wait too long, you’ll psych yourself out and mess it up. Just make sure she’s approachable. If she looks mean, don’t even bother.

Give yourself a false time constraint. After approaching, let her or her friends know that you can only stay for a few minutes because you have to get back to your group. The last thing a group of girls want is thinking that some guy might be hanging on them for the next two hours. By saying this, all of their walls immediately go down. By the time your five minutes are up, they probably won’t want you to leave.

Don’t feel bad about talking to more than one girl at a time. Never count your chickens before they hatch, or put all of your eggs into one basket. By leaving yourself with more than one option, you will succeed more. Here’s why: too many guys suffer from “One-It-Is.” We get so excited about a girl that we end up freaking her out because we like her too much, too soon.

We get too clingy. Sometimes when a guy meets a girl he really likes and can’t stop thinking about, he stops playing to win her and he starts playing “not to lose” her. He stops being himself because he’s afraid that his nervousness will scare her away.

By giving yourself other options, you won’t feel so desperate because you know that if it doesn’t work out with Option A, you’ve still got B and C. Plenty of girls will talk to and text 5 guys at a time, so don’t feel bad about keeping your options open until something hits.

Use your newfound powers for good. If you want to play the field, that’s fine, but I hope your goal is to eventually find a lady. Use your skills to get with her and to find love. That’s my plan. But until that happens, happy hunting, boys.