Ladies and Gentlemen, the Internet is having an identity crisis.

The Internet used to be a beloved porn black market, until now. Social media has now surpassed pornography as the most popular use of the Internet. What is the world coming to? It’s now more important to find out what Bruno Mars had for breakfast than to spill your seed. I’m not buying it.

Bill Tancer, general manager of Hitwise, an Internet tracking company, discovered this information.

According to Tancer, now only 10 percent of Internet searches are for pornography, and searches for social media are on the rise. He also believes young social media users are too busy with that to watch pornography.

Now I’m not trying to say social media isn’t popular or anything, but come on. We’re talking about porn here.

I’ve met people who don’t use Twitter or Facebook. And that’s reasonable; some people don’t want to use it. But porn? Everyone looks at porn. If someone tells you they don’t look at porn, they’re either lying to you or they’re Mormon. I didn’t even have a Facebook until I came to college, but I sure as hell looked at porn before that. It’s just a bigger priority.

I think this study is skipping out on some key parts of social media as well. Do you know how many porn stars have Twitter? They all do. So do we count those pages for porn or social media? How about that friend you have on Facebook who always falls for the fake sexy girl viruses? You know the one I mean. I’ve never even been on Google+ but I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before that’s full of porn as well.

And let’s be honest here, you know that so many of those social media hits are just from people who are watching porn and have Facebook up as their safe window. For those of you who are still pretending you don’t know exactly what I’m talking about, it’s the window they pull up if someone walks in on them browsing some skin flicks.

And how many of those hits are from people revisiting Facebook or Twitter? There’s reason to go back to these sites, but why would I go back and watch the same porno? I already know how it ends.

So even if social media sites are more popular than pornography, that doesn’t make it more important. I’m sure if an ultimatum were made, many social media users would rather give up their Twitter than give up porn.