Back in Fall 2008, when I was just the lowly assistant sports editor of the Stater, my boss, Joe “Brock” Harrington, gave me a nickname:

The Sports Boy.

The nickname had two inspirations. One, it was based off “The Sports Guy,” a column written by ESPN sports writer Bill Simmons. And two, it represented the fact that I was seen as the little brother of the sports staff, the one who was always picked on.

Needless to say, I hated the nickname.

Three semesters later, however, with a new job (editor) and a new nickname (“The Big Cheese,” which I jokingly gave myself and which has unfortunately stuck), I find myself missing my sports days. And with this being my senior column, I’m drawing some inspiration from Simmons and ranking the top 1,000 things at Kent State.

Unfortunately, we don’t have room for 1,000, so I’m going to pick and choose.

Here goes nothin’:

1,000: The Bursar’s Office’s efficiency. Don’t believe me? Try calling them in the summer when you have a question about your tuition bill. If you talk to someone within an hour, you’re lucky.

989: The “You Belong Here” banners. Because everyone knows the best way to attract prospective students is to post huge, stalkerish photos of current students on the side of campus landmarks.

943: Parking Services. For my first three-and-a-half years at Kent State, I had no idea why people hated Parking Services so much. Then I got two tickets in a week. Now I know.

837: The football team. Sorry to hate on a fellow Doug, but Kent State coach Doug Martin is 24-46 in seven seasons. And the entire program has won just one Mid-American Conference title in 59 years as a conference member. Good, right?

774: The weather. When it’s nice outside, the campus is beautiful. Unfortunately, most of the time we have Goldilocks weather: too hot, too cold, too windy, too snowy, too rainy, etc.

684: The distance to the rec center. By the time you walk there, you’re done with your workout. That makes a lot of sense.

500: Architecture studio. I just hope the people who can relate are conscious enough to read my column this morning.

289: The food. And it’s only this high because of Crustano’s wraps.

100: Lester Lefton. Sure, the celebrity he’s most like is Oscar the Grouch. But you can’t deny he’s good at his job. Kent State would be a lot worse off financially without him.

43: Stopher-Johnson halls: Without a doubt the best dorms on campus.

13: The women’s golf team. In contrast to the football team, these Flashes have won 12 MAC titles in a row.v

10: The Daily Kent Stater. I’m biased, of course, but I think we do a pretty good job.

3: The professors. I’ve had some bad ones, but I’ve had a lot more great ones: John Harris, Matthew Shank, Chris McVay, Jon Secaur, Thomas Watkins, Curtis Reynolds, Carl Schierhorn, Jan Leach, etc. I’d recommend all of them.

2: May 4. Go to a commemoration and you’ll see what I mean. We go to a university that changed history. How many other college students can say that?

1. The people: I don’t care if you’re (in sports editor Cody Francis’ words) a bro, homebody, meathead, javahead or hipster. You’ll meet some great people at Kent State, people who will become lifelong friends. I know I have, and that (plus all the above reasons) is why I’m going to miss this place like hell when I’m gone. That may be cheesy, but it’s also true.

Doug Gulasy is a senior newspaper journalism major and editor of the Daily Kent Stater.

Contact him at [email protected].