A FINAL TOAST: Senior columns

Ladies and gentlemen, that’s a wrap. Many columns this week discuss either life as a columnist or things learned while being one. Last week I spent one paragraph doing so, leaving time for more important matters this week and to not beat a dead horse. If you want to know how I feel about things, just go find my back catalog. It’s got everything from political ramblings to an in-depth analysis of eggs.

This week I must continue to take matters into my own hands, and reveal, as I promised, five things I actually like about Kent State.

Just to recap before I begin, last week I listed five things I can’t stand about Kent State, and today, with my final contribution to the Stater, five attributes I do enjoy. As a thoroughly cynical member of the student body, this is a daunting task. I don’t mean to flaunt this cynicism, but I can’t help it. Impressing me is hard to do, but I figure that somewhere, at some time, this university offered me a few things that I can honestly say I like.

Cunningham Hall’s green room — What could be better on a bitterly cold and snowy winter afternoon than stepping into a climate-controlled sanctuary of foliage, just as a reminder that plants still can live? Having a grand appreciation for biological diversity, just wandering around in that thing can lift my spirits.

A bar on campus — Speaking of lifting spirits, while I don’t go to the Rathskeller too often anymore, having a beer during my commute between two sides of campus never seemed like a bad idea when I turned 21. Granted, the place could always use some more variety, but considering Kent State’s anal-retentive zero-tolerance policies, I’m surprised it’s still there.

Seven Ideas That Shook The Universe — I want to know if there’s anyone who took this class that did not like it, and why. Even for a 9:15 a.m. class, walking into a big dark room and looking at star charts and hearing about string theory seems just fine to me.

Pedestrian dodging — Okay, so this one isn’t necessarily an object, but it’s still a jolly good past time of mine. If you’ve ever come within inches of being hit head-on by a speeding bicyclist while walking down the Esplanade, it might have been me. Few things can commonly get my adrenaline pumping like weaving in and out of frightened students and faculty.

Accessible rolls of toilet paper in every building — Five people live in my house. We use a great deal of toilet paper, and let’s face it, nobody likes to buy it. Ever since the last time I ran out, I thought “never again” and decided to start occasionally opening up the holsters in bathroom stalls and yanking out a roll of toilet paper, just to make sure. After spending $45,000 on a diploma, I figure toting home some extra paper is justifiable.

And on that note, I bid farewell with a great deal of confidence. For those of us leaving this parallel reality of college, yet still cannot find a direction to choose, I leave you with a quote by one Dr. Seuss, via the classic, “Oh, The Places You’ll Go!”

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.”

Garrison Ebie is a senior electronic media major and columnist for the Daily Kent Stater. Contact him at [email protected]