In case you live under a rock, Tiger’s got a “Bad Romance.”

Tiger Woods’ 2:25 a.m. vehicle accident last Friday is getting more airtime than Lady Gaga’s annoying song itself. Woods’ car hit a fire hydrant and a tree as he was backing out of his driveway. He has canceled appointments with the Florida Highway Patrol to talk about the incident.

Two days before the crash, the National Enquirer reported Tiger has been seeing a New York City nightclub hostess. Keep in mind that Tiger’s wife, Elin Nordegren Woods, reportedly saved him by smashing out the back window of his SUV with a golf club at the scene of the accident to free her husband. With all of these incidents, something tells me that the 9-iron wasn’t created with that purpose in mind. But that’s what brings me to my point – it’s not my business, nor is it yours, and surely not the media’s.

This is a minor car accident that wouldn’t even make it into the crime section of your community newsletter. Why the hell are people making such a big deal out of this? The answer is obvious (because it’s Tiger!), but seriously, the only person who should be concerned with where he was going at that hour is his wife. Joe Schmoe and your uncle Freddy don’t really have any influence on the greatest golfer in the world’s personal life. People talk, it’s a known fact, but what it comes down to is that it’s Tiger’s problem. It’s Elin’s problem. Not ours.

Let’s say it was as bad it seems. Tiger was trying to purr on some other feline. He has been seeing someone else. What does it matter to the media? All it does is make another newsworthy story and create bonuses for journalists and media personas alike. I’m to blame as well – look what I’m writing about. Sure, this column has a different angle, but it’s still circling around Tiger. This guy can’t sneeze without it being reported.

As the media reap the benefits of Tiger’s apparent rendezvous, lives are defined within the event. Here’s a perfect example: Does the name Rachel Uchitel mean anything to you? Well, that’s the “mistress” behind Tiger. I bet you didn’t even finish that sentence before you Google Image searched her. This woman will forever be referred to as “the Tiger Woods girl.” If she isn’t already, she’ll soon be in the same position as Tiger. All eyes on her, 24/7.

Athletes deserve to at least have their personal lives remain personal. Yes, they should know the cameras would be there if they were to mess up. They should know to be more careful than the average Joe. But at the end of the day, they are people, too. He breathes the same air we do, drinks the same water we do. It might be in a Fiji bottle, but you get the point.

Tiger has never been in trouble his whole entire professional career. He’s given back to the world through charities and stays out of trouble. He’s not a clubber, not a gangster – hell, he plays golf. Give the man some privacy.

As the little hand-held signs on the golf courses say, “Quiet, please.”

Contact sports columnist Michael Moses at [email protected].