Have you guys heard about the college grad who’s suing her college because she hasn’t been able to find a job yet? Yeah. She’s suing because she can’t find a job, and because her alma mater hasn’t followed through on the job placement services it promised. She’s asking for $70,000, the price of her tuition and some extra for the stress she’s had to endure.

It’s been three whole months since she graduated, and she still hasn’t been able to find anyone willing to hire her. She’s boasting a 2.7 GPA and she had “good” attendance. It was so good! But despite that pristine record, she’s been unable to find a job with her bachelor’s of business administration degree in information technology.

I think this is great. Trina Thompson is an excellent example of the kind of hard-working student we can all aspire to be one day. All you need is five minutes and a good excuse, and you too can be filing a lawsuit against any number of people and establishments who haven’t helped you enough throughout your lifetime.

It’s so easy to shift the blame and to find a scapegoat. I don’t know why people don’t do it more often. It makes so much more sense to spend my time reflecting on who’s really at fault for my apparent shortcomings than to work hard at getting back on track.

Trina has the right idea. She shouldn’t be looking for fast-food jobs or landscaping gigs. She should be waiting to score big on this lawsuit. I mean, her education has been an absolute waste, right? If she can’t find employment three months after graduating, she might as well ask to be completely reimbursed.

As humans, the smartest beings on this planet and likely in the entire universe, we are entitled to everything: happiness, money, food, a job. And when you’re entitled to something, you don’t just deserve to have it, you are given it. Hard work is for people who don’t understand their rights to happiness and everything that it comes with.

When I read Trina’s story, I immediately started hatching a plan. It didn’t take long for me to realize that my own mother was a culprit in my unhappy state.

It’s her fault I still have my freshman 15. If she had called me every day to tell me not to eat fattening college food during the past three years, I wouldn’t be the size I am today. As a mother, she’s always promised to support me and do what’s best for me. She failed, and I’m suing.

But I’m not going to stop there. Last semester, I was often late to class because my dog would decide moments after his morning bathroom break that he did, in fact, need to defecate and would promptly do so in the living room or the hallway as I was unwittingly drying my hair.

It is because of him I earned tardies in several classes and missed crucial information that would later be on important tests.

I hope Dublin has a good lawyer.

Kristine Gill is a senior newspaper journalism major and a columnist for the Summer Kent Stater. Contact her at [email protected].