Whether you are going to Cancun or Florida, or just back to your parents’ house, you are probably excited about spring break. If your plans involve getting as drunk as possible wearing as little clothing as possible at the beach, have fun. For those of you who are staying home, don’t feel bad. You’re in good company. I’m right there with you.

From everything I could find, those of us not indulging in the debauchery of an MTV-esque spring break are the majority. I know a lot of people from various walks of life, and I can think of two or three with spring break plans involving a trip to a warmer place. But I doubt that’s something MTV, travel agencies and beach resorts would like you to have in mind. Every year they portray college students getting wasted and showing skin in some resort town, and apparently that is supposed to be normal. Where are the caring souls who make their way to Louisiana and Mississippi to aid in rebuilding the areas destroyed by Katrina? Where are the majority of college students going home to work or reunite with old friends?

While there are plenty of inexpensive ways to express your insecurity and need for acceptance, the American-owned resorts in Cancun, Mexico and other exotic destinations want you to think that what they have to offer is not just the best way to spend your spring break, but the normal way. It is expected of you. But, if frat parties at the beach aren’t your thing, you can always pick up some black band T-shirts ($18 each), a spikey bracelet ($10) and bondage pants ($60) from your local Hot Topic. I guess if you wanna be happy, you gotta pay up. Making friends and getting a job just don’t seem to offer the sense of purpose they used to.

Then again, who needs a job when you have credit cards, student loans and parents? And gosh, it sure is hard to make friends without a social lubricant like alcohol. Any kind of fun that requires lubricant is probably not really that fun at all. But I guess the only way for us to make the most of what are supposed to be the best years of our lives is to lick whipped cream off of strangers’ bodies and make sure MTV gets it on tape for the world to see.

Having been away at college for the majority of the last … damn, five years, my family has gotten some pretty strange ideas about how I behave away from home. Despite what they know about me and not having any evidence of such, they assume I partake in the “typical” college behavior.

Searching for statistics about spring break, I came across one on a parenting site that said the average student consumes 18 alcoholic beverages a day during spring break. I then came across another site that said the Boston Herald, who released this statistic, had no evidence to back it up. However, this statistic has made its way to every site for concerned parents.

Is this who we are? Well, if you believe the “Thinking About Your Drinking” posters around campus, apparently not. If MTV is only showing a minority of college students, and newspapers are forced to make up ridiculous statistics about their drinking habits, there may very well be hope for this generation.

Contact all editor Allan Lamb at [email protected].