Not much of a football fan, Homecoming’s swarm of students downtown got me pumped for Kent’s second big H — Halloween. Only weeks away, students have already started discussing plans, parties and of course, costumes.

The quest for the perfect Halloween attire has become the Holy Grail for many a young college student — and I’m amazed at what people come up with.

A simple Google query for “offensive Halloween costumes,” feeds me with plenty of pictures of priests with little boys, men with sheep strategically placed on you-know-what and even a posthumous Jon Benet with a sash proclaiming “Daddy Did It.”

Genius.

Three years of Kent State Halloweens, and the best I’ve seen were Michael Jackson in an orange suit with a doll pinned to his privates and a bird in a wheel chair with a thermometer (bird flu). Props to you both, good sirs.

Halloween has also become the night for every girl of every imaginable stereotype to show off what momma gave her. “You can’t call me slutty if it’s Oct. 31!”

I can tell I’m getting old, because I’m trying to convince my boyfriend to dress up as Michael Flatley so I can a) spray him all night with water so he appears sweaty and b) pretend to be an Irish step dancer.

I can, however, appreciate the fun in making Disney princesses skanky and poking fun at most tragic historical events. Occasionally, I’m politically correct to a fault, but going out on Halloween is like going to a Lisa Lampanelli show – some aspect of yourself is bound to get made fun of.

But, there is always a line, and the following costumes that some idiots (found via Web surfing while putting off coming up with a good column topic) thought were decent ideas have far surpassed that boundary:

-Sexy Anna Rexia

Don’t get it? Read the name faster. A play on the scary and secretive disease anorexia, this costume brought to you on halloweenstreet.com consists of a super-tight, super-skimpy black dress with a skeleton on it and a belt and choker that are, in fact, tape measures. Trying to make such a life-threatening and sad illness funny, let alone sexy, is scary indeed.

-Ice Cream Bonanza

This deliciously demeaning costume includes not only lowering the wearer’s status to that of a piece of meat (or ice cream) but is also substantially dangerous. It consists of papier-mƒch‚d ice cream cones over breasts reminiscent of Madonna’s cones. On the lower half? Simply a thong covered in something that looks like fake ice cream. Top it off with carrying some chocolate syrup. Like I said, I get wanting to show some skin, but all of it? Ladies need to consider their safety before they don such a revealing outfit.

-Seung-Hui Cho

Too soon? Oh my god, yes. That’s all I’ll say about that one.

So keep in mind when rummaging through knock-off wigs and tulle that with such misogynistic and offensive attitudes in tow, this really is bound to be one of the scariest nights of your life.

Jackie Mantey is a senior magazine journalism major and columnist for Daily Kent Stater. Contact her at [email protected].