COLUMN: When I die, where will I go?

Steve Schirra
September 29, 2005

I was handed a pamphlet this week.

The title of the pamphlet is intriguing: “When you die, where will you go?”

I read it, and I’ve come to the startling conclusion that I, Steve Schirra, am going to Hell. And not just me, everyone on Earth.

I’ve based this off two statements I read in said pamphlet.

“All have sinned.”

“But all the wicked will perish . . . All sinners will be destroyed. -Psalm 37:20, 38”

So, everyone is a sinner, and all sinners go to Hell.

Yay.

To be more specific, the pamphlet outlines who, specifically, is going to Hell:

“The sexually immoral, idol worshippers, adulterers, prostitutes, homosexuals, the greedy, thieves, drunkards, drug users, slanderers, swindlers, the unbelieving . . . and all liars will be in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone.”

Sorry, Kent State, you’re going to Hell, too.

Ironically, when I see people on campus distributing flyers and pamphlets, calling us sinners, one Bible passage comes to mind:

“…’He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone…”

Steve Schirra is a junior English major and Forum editor for the Daily Kent Stater. Contact him at [email protected].

WHEN YOU DIE, WHERE WILL YOU GO? >: ]Let’s face it, we’re all sinners. But who really has the time to repent these days? With all the church visits and “do-goodings,” it’s kind of hard to sneak in your bi-weekly kegger. That’s why you should accept Hell as a given, and GET WASTED!

I’ll admit, Heaven can be fun . . . for people who are into that kind of thing, like harps and what-not. But at the end of the day, you have to ask yourself: Who would you rather party for all eternity with? Jimmy Swaggart or Jimi Hendrix?

List of potential “afterlife party pals:”