Is it just us, or does Katrina look like an unborn child?

Credit: Steve Schirra

Only ten days before the annual homosexual celebration “Southern Decadence” in the French Quarter of New Orleans, hurricane Katrina slammed into the coast.

Coincidence? I think not.

Is it also a coincidence that satellite images of Katrina resembled a 6-week-old unborn human fetus?

Nope.

And what about the fact that lesbian Ellen Degeneres is hosting the Emmy awards this year. Did that play a role in the hurricane?

Yes.

What we’re really getting at is, we know who we should be placing the blame on for this disaster: gays and baby murderers. Clearly, they’re the ones that made God do this to us.

You’re probably wondering where exactly we got this information. Trust us, it’s from credible sources.

“Although the loss of lives is deeply saddening, this act of God destroyed a wicked city,” said Repent America Director Michael Marcavage, according to a press release. “From Girls Gone Wild to ‘Southern Decadence,’ New Orleans was a city that had its doors wide open to the public celebration of sin. From the devastation may a city full of righteousness emerge.”

The press release also said “Louisiana had a total of ten abortion clinics with half of them operating in New Orleans, where countless numbers of children were murdered at the hands of abortionists.”

Which brings us to our next point: the hurricane is, apparently, a giant, angry unborn child.

According to an e-mail released by Columbia Christians for Life, this large fetus chose to attack New Orleans because of its five “child-murder-by-abortion centers.” (Note: ‘Child-murder-by-abortion centers’ is a technical term for abortion clinic.)

Also, we all know that God is an avid watcher of the Emmys, so he obviously wouldn’t approve of Ellen Degeneres, an openly gay actress and comedienne, hosting the Emmy awards.

Televangelist Pat Robertson graced us all with some words of wisdom on the subject during one of his “700 Club” telecasts:

“By choosing an avowed lesbian for this national event, these Hollywood elites have clearly invited God’s wrath. Is it any surprise that the Almighty chose to strike at Miss Degeneres’ hometown?”

No. No it’s not, Pat Robertson.

He continued, “God already allows one awards show to promote the homosexual agenda, but clearly He will not tolerate such sinful behavior to spread beyond the Tonys.”

God has made it very clear that only homosexuals and abortionists are sinners nowadays. Lord knows that Pat Robertson and Michael Marcavage have never sinned in their entire lives.

Why would God want to punish common, everyday sinners when there are gay sinners to smite?

If you’re interested in joining Repent America, please visit their Web site at www.repentamerica.com, where you can take quizzes with such jubilant titles as, “Are you good enough to go to heaven?”

Unless you’re gay. In which case, you aren’t good enough, and should go watch the Tonys and leave us alone before something else bad happens.

The above editorial is the consensus opinion of the Daily Kent Stater editorial board.

Editor’s note: Though the above opinion is satirical in nature, the quotes and press releases are real.