Forget all you hear about how horrible other cities have it. Cleveland’s sports teams are the most cursed teams on the face of the planet. No one else even comes close.

A couple of weeks ago I went and saw the movie Fever Pitch. The bleak romantic comedy centered around one man’s love of the Boston Red Sox. Jimmy Fallon movies are painful enough to watch, but every ten seconds one of the characters had to lament about how cursed the poor Red Sox are (well, were). Boo-Hoo.

Before last October, the Red Sox had not won the World Series since 1918 — an 86-year drought. Lucky for Boston sports fans, they were able to drown their sorrows in 16 NBA championships — the record — and a handful of recent Super Bowl wins. I really feel sorry for them and all their success.

And who can forget that other cursed team: the Chicago Cubs? I love the Cubs, but unfortunately, a certain goat and his owner do not. The last time they won it all? 1908. Is this reason enough to feel sorry for Chicago sports fans? Not a chance.

Remember a man by the name of Michael Jordan? He led the Chicago Bulls to six NBA titles in the 90s. Or what about the Chicago Bears? They have won nine world championships, including Super Bowl XX back in 1986. I find it hard to feel sorry for a city that has won seven major championships in my lifetime.

This all brings me back to the dismal state of Cleveland sports teams. To be a Cleveland sports fan is to be constantly waiting for the next team to start its season. When it is baseball season, I am waiting for the Browns to start playing. When it is football season, I am waiting for the Cavaliers to take the court. And when it is basketball season, I am back to waiting for the Indians to play once again. There is always that hope of a fresh start and the reality of yet another disappointment-filled season.

The last major championship a Cleveland team has won was back in 1964 when the Browns beat the Baltimore Colts in the world-championship game. Since the implementation of the Super Bowl in 1967, the Browns have won exactly zero times. In fact, they have never even been to a Super Bowl.

Since their inception in 1970, the Cleveland Cavaliers have been to the playoffs 13 times but have failed to reach the finals every single time. The most ironic thing about their woes is that five of those 13 times they were knocked out of the playoffs by none other than the Chicago Bulls.

The most success (and heartache) has come from the Cleveland Indians. After a dry spell of 41 years, they made it back to World Series in 1995 and again in 1997. Both times their season ended in disappointment. If you are keeping score at home, Cleveland sports teams have won six championships — none since 1964.

Why the constant disappointment? Can’t we have just one championship? That’s all I ask for. And possibly the worst part of it all is we don’t even have a goat or the Bambino to blame for our suffering. We are cursed, and we don’t know why.

Matthew Carroll is a sophomore journalism major and a columnist for the Daily Kent Stater. Contact him at [email protected].