State and church so happy together

Dear Editor:

I would like to express my support for Tony Cox’s article regarding faith-based initiatives. What those “radicals” on the left don’t seem to understand is that church and state, much like peanut butter and jelly or Captain Morgan and Coke, belong together — anyone who disagrees is obviously a close-minded, liberal Democrat-hippie-freak. President Bush understands that the one thing we need right now in this country is MORE RELIGION. To get more support for this noble cause, here’s a few ways we can possibly “spread the word:”

ADVERTISING — We missed a big opportunity at the Super Bowl, but perhaps we can design a “faith-based initiative” ad for next year. Something like this: Two beautiful girls are running down a beach wearing short jeans and cut-off T-shirts that barely hide their large breasts. Suddenly, they happen upon a large group of similarly beautiful girls in bikinis playing volleyball — as it turns out, it is actually a tournament sponsored by the Catholic church. The first two girls are invited to join the game as we hear a voice-over: “George W. Bush’s faith-based initiatives … bringing people together!”

PROMOTION — Possibly a faith-based McDonald’s tie-in? I’m thinking this would be a great opportunity to bring back another criminally forgotten landmark in American culture: the McRib Sandwich. Like a lost sheep from the Value Menu flock, the McRib deserves to be recovered in conjunction with a promotion that could also include oversized plastic cups covered with church ‘n’ state all-stars like Pat Robertson. Collect ‘em all!

TWENTY DOLLAR BILL — Unfortunately, the portrait on this popular piece of currency is that of Thomas Jefferson, an icon of the “radical left” who actually opposed the connection of church and state. (God, what the hell was he thinking?) Clearly, this picture should be changed to someone like Jerry Falwell, whose head size could presumably be reduced electronically to fit in the oval frame. We can leave Jefferson’s likeness on the practically worthless nickel as a TOKEN to the radical left! No pun intended! (Wait, strike that — that pun actually was intended.)

Just a few suggestions, but no one can reasonably argue against the fact that they’re a step in the right direction!

Jeff Schneekloth

Junior English major