Credit: Andrew popik

It’s getting closer to Valentine’s Day, ladies, which means it’s time to brush up on ways to please your men. We should never forget how lucky we are to have strong men in our lives to protect us and make our decisions. Here are a few suggestions on how to keep your husbands happy.

n Before your husband gets home from work, take a few minutes to refresh. Powder your nose and put a ribbon in your hair. Remember, you must always look beautiful for your husband.

n When he walks through the door after a hard day at the office, greet him with a kiss and pair of slippers. Have the fire prepared for him and bring him a glass of wine while he relaxes by the fireplace.

n Always work on new recipes for your husband to enjoy. He may tire of meat loaf every other Thursday. Light a candle to set the mood.

n Always keep the refrigerator full of food. An empty icebox equals a discontent husband.

n At the dinner table, do not speak unless your husband speaks to you first. If he doesn’t initiate a conversation, that means he isn’t interested in your opinions. You should keep them to yourself.

n Don’t complain if he is late coming home or spends nearly every evening “out with the boys.” Remember, his enjoyment of life is more important than yours. Besides, you have a baby to take care of.

n Don’t question his actions or judgments. He is the master of the house and will always execute honesty and integrity.

n Even if you feel overwhelmed, never ever ask your husband to help you around the house. Men have much more important things to do with their time than wash dishes. After all, the business world is for men and a woman’s place is in the home.

n Never invite your friends over while your husband is home. You need to put all your attention toward making him happy. Remind your friends that they should be home with their husbands, too.

n Always buy the highest quality slacks and shirts for your man, even if that means you have to buy your new dress off the sale rack. You must consider your husband’s image first.

n If you suspect your husband indulges in infidelities, that means you are not doing an adequate job of pleasing him. Be thankful he hasn’t left you without a provider and try to improve your willingness once the lights go out.

If you really want to keep the best home possible, you should use these tips year-round. I suggest hanging it by the stove so you can read over them while you’re cooking you husband his well-deserved dinner.

Erin Roof is the lifestyle columnist for the Monthly Kent Satire. She cooks a three-course meal for her boyfriend, Patrick, every night and draws his bath.