Tuesday night, as I sat on the stairs of a fancy hotel in downtown Columbus, listening to a woman complain about having spent the past 12 years of her life purposelessly campaigning for various politicians, while drinking her “secret wine,” which consisted of two cheap, miniature bottles, I realized I was watching the slow unraveling of the Democratic Party.

Seeing this refined and educated woman fling her hair around like a manic sorority sister and hurl the empty carcasses of secret wine over the stairs’ railing, hoping they hit someone in the face, was hilarious. As was Brian “with an ‘I’ and not a ‘y’,” who made his way past us to go hear our ousted incumbent governor, Ted Strickland, speak. Also, one cannot forget the dude who passed out on his friend’s chest, snoring away the Republican’s successes as I inappropriately pointed and laughed.

Ten minutes before witnessing this downturn in the social acceptability of this poised and prestigious crowd, I sat in the lobby of the hotel across the street, laughing hysterically while drinking the free alcohol not already pulsating through the Democratic caucus’ bloodstream. God, I am glad I went back across the street to see what was left of what would be the Democrats’ victory bash, had they not lost their asses in the polls.

“That’s what drunk politicians look like,” my roommate said, pointing at a group of them as they sauntered past us in a weird, huddle-like formation. “I already know what they look like, I watch TV,” I replied. However, neither of us would truly know what drunken politicians look like until we made our way back to the main event.

In a group, they all looked normal; maybe a little intoxicated, but nothing excessive. But if you caught one of them alone, the degradation oozed from them. It was great.

I’m not really interested in politics. I’m more of a sociologically-minded person, so these disheveled people were more interesting to me than some of the “celebrity politicians” that others might clamor over being in the same room with.

I do think it is sad that such personal dedication to politics often results in monumental and utter disappointment, but that’s the game. That’s why I watch from the sidelines, as bipartisanship is much like a sporting event.

If the Democratic Party were a football team, the other night it would have been the Cleveland Browns. I say that with ingrained allegiance to Cleveland and a sort of, but not really, affiliation with the Democrats.

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