The “skinny”: The Kentucky Fried Chicken Double Down answers mankind’s greatest question once and for all: What if we replaced the bread in a sandwich with meat? According to KFC’s Web site, the sandwich has 540 calories, 32 grams of fat and 1380 milligrams of sodium. Well, unless you get the slightly healthier grilled version. It’s two chicken filets with two pieces of bacon, two pieces of cheese and the “Colonel’s Sauce” in between. I chose to review it for the Daily Kent Stater because, well, someone had to do it.

First thoughts: It’s pretty delicious. (Well, actually my first thought was I don’t want something called “The Colonel’s Sauce” in my mouth). I’m not going to describe how KFC chicken tastes. It’s universally accepted as delicious, except by rich foodies and liars. The bacon is a little on the gristly end, but it’s not as chewy as the typical fast food bacon. Does it add anything to the sandwich? No. The sauce is almost certainly some kind of chipotle-mayo mix. It’s a tangy, slightly spicy mix that complimented the chicken, but may have contributed to my upset stomach by the end of the sandwich. The pepper jack and Monterey jack cheese slices were in that kind-of-melted, kind-of-not-melted state God would never allow in nature. Needless to say, it didn’t taste great. It looks smaller in person than on the commercial, so I assume it’s going to be a breeze to eat.

Second thoughts: As I reach the last few bites I want to give up. True, it’s not huge, but the KFC Double Down is a dense food bomb. My stomach is the target. I have to force the last bite down and now I feel a little loopy. I’m not going to lie, the KFC Double Down has given me a bit of a buzz. I sit staring off into space instead of editing stories. I literally stagger around a bit and my coworkers comment on my vacant stare. “It was delicious,” I insist, “I don’t feel like myself, however.”

Final thoughts: Is the Double Down worth it? Well, my relationship with the Double Down is pretty much like all serious relationships. Initially you’re infatuated and willing to look past any flaws, but then you get tired and can’t put up with anymore, and you’re left wandering in a daze, unable to communicate with any of your friends.

So yeah, it’s heartbreaking (maybe literally), but like even the worst relationships, it’s probably an experience worth having.

Thomas Gallick is a senior newspaper journalism major and city editor of the Daily Kent Stater. He can be contacted at [email protected].