The cookie-cutter Kent State student

Cody Francis

Anybody who knows an older person who went to college has heard him or her talk about how college is the time where you meet your lifelong friends.

While that may be true, college is a time where you meet a LOT of people. Hell, I’ve been at Kent State for four years and I still meet new people almost every day. Here are a few of the cookie-cutter molds Kent State students fit:

1. The bro:

Usually accompanied by five or six more just like him, this person can be identified by his flat-bill ball cap and diamond earrings. The ball cap is usually from a popular area team like the Indians, but a Yankees logo is often featured on the front of the hat. Other apparel includes Ed Hardy, Affliction, Tapout T-shirts or any other T-shirt that has so much stuff on it that it looks like one of those optical illusion pictures.

Common sayings:

“Bro, I was so drunk last night.” “Bro, you goin’ out tonight?” Note: “Bro” can be replaced by phrases such as: “Broseph,” “bromosexual” or “Bro Montana.”

Most likely to find them:

Water Street Tavern, the business building.

2. The homebody:

A student no less than you or I, this person is here for one thing: to go to class. Other than class, the only thing this person has on his or her mind is when they get to go home for the weekend. Some even schedule classes only Monday through Thursday so they can go home after Thursday classes. Most make up excuses why they have to go home and have probably never spent a weekend in Kent. A boyfriend/girlfriend at home can sometimes be blamed for this person’s absence.

Common sayings:

“It’s my mom’s birthday this weekend.” “It’s my sister’s prom this weekend.” “I have to go get my oil changed this weekend.” “It’s my dad’s best friend’s sister’s son’s girlfriend’s aunt’s wedding this weekend, and I HAVE to go.”

Most likely to find them:

Anywhere but Kent State.

3. Ex-roommate/friend from freshman year:

You had a lot of good times together, and neither you nor this person wants to let it go. You haven’t really hung out in a couple years, but you love to reminisce with this person when you run into each other. Talking to this person is very similar to talking to an ex.

Common sayings:

“Remember when…” “We should really hang out together sometime.” “OK, I’ll give you a call, man.”

Most likely to find them:

Probably at a bar or a random party

4. The “married” college student:

This person is in his or her early 20s, but has somehow been married for 15 years. Usually accompanied by his or her significant other, this person’s life revolves around one person. Although he or she is not actually married, this person has to ask that significant other for permission to do something. You may have known this person before he or she met the husband/wife, but this person just isn’t the same. Like the homebody, this person usually has an excuse as to why he or she can’t do something.

Common sayings:

(On the phone) “No, I love you more, baby.” “I’m going to the library.” “I can’t go out tonight, I have to study.”

Most likely to find them:

Call the boyfriend/girlfriend and find out.

5. North Face and UGG boots girl:

This girl thinks her black North Face looks so good with her UGGs. She likes the look so much, all of her friends wear the same thing. This person thinks she is especially unique when she wears those UGGs with tights or leggings. No pants is the in-look, and she’s a trendsetter. She usually likes to run with the Bro.

Common sayings:

“OMG! I love my girls!” “I’m sooooo drunk!”

Most likely to find them:

Water Street Tavern, the Brewhouse

Disclaimer: These aren’t the only groups. There are also: the meatheads, the javaheads and the hipsters. Not everybody falls into a group, but some fall into more than one.