While America has its problems, I have no doubt that it is the only country in which I could live happily. This belief is derived from two fundamental values: the right to bear arms and capitalism.

The Second Amendment is the insurance policy of the Bill of Rights. If some future president declares martial law, private gun-ownership would be our only hope of restoring freedom. The only country with fewer gun-control laws than the United States is Israel, but who wants to live in the most volatile region of the world? I prefer my gun as an insurance policy — not a necessity.

Furthermore, very few places appreciate the free market as much as America does. The free market is the reason the American Dream exists. No other economy allows a college drop-out experimenting in his parents’ garage to become a millionaire. Hong Kong has the fastest-growing economy in the world, yet it is owned by China. I fear that, in due time, China will put an end to Hong Kong’s prosperity. Additionally, Europe is overrun by socialism.

The sad truth is that many other Americans have little or no regard for these American values. The Brady Bunch (Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence) will not rest until every law-abiding citizen is denied any and all means to defend himself — sorry, that is insulting to the classic sitcom. Billionaire George Soros gleefully gives obscene amounts of money to any organization hell-bent upon mutating the USA into the USSA. How can we have domestic tranquility when so many enemies reside within our borders?

The obvious answer is to deport them, but we cannot deport U.S. citizens.

Just as there are many people in the United States who should not be, there are also many freedom-loving people in other countries who ought to be here. And so, the fairest solution is a citizen exchange program. Anyone who hates the American way of life could register with the State Department for voluntary deportment.

Every American who participates will sign a contract forfeiting his citizenship. Every ex-American who is deported will be replaced by an ex-patriot of the country in question who volunteered for the corresponding program in that country. With 193 nations throughout the world, anyone who rejects American values can find a place right for him, and there are innumerable people throughout the world who would most joyously take his place.

One could specify his preferred destination(s) or take an ideological survey and be matched to the best fitting nation(s). Die-hard socialists would be sent to Cuba, China or North Korea. Medium socialists would be sent to Europe. Worthless pansies who are terminally afraid of their own testosterone would go to France.

We could use the die-hard socialists to negotiate the release of political prisoners in socialist nations. This program would then be a tool for human rights.

The unsung glory of American freedom is that people who do not want it are free to leave. The citizen exchange program would greatly facilitate the process by providing an expedited path to foreign citizenship.

Don Norvell is a physics graduate assistant and a columnist for the Daily Kent Stater. Contact him at [email protected].