Opinion: The Bowling Green Massacre’s legacy

Bobbie Szabo

Editor’s Note: The following column contains satire. Quotes and several events mentioned in the piece are fictitious.

During an interview on Thursday, Kellyanne Conway reminded all of America about the Bowling Green Massacre in Kentucky; she defended the president’s ban on both refugees and immigrants from seven predominantly Muslim countries by mentioning the not-at-all fictitious terrorist attack.

In our society of post-truth and alternative facts, it is so nice to know one person in the public eye has remained truthful and unbiased.

Conway’s statement was a wake-up call for all.

Our country has bombed predominantly Muslim countries, actively supported xenophobia by restricting entrance into our country and discriminated against people of color within our borders for far too long to stop doing so now. Conway and the nominated members of the presidential cabinet are so right — we need to put America and white people first.

We cannot allow this country — which was founded on immigration, after all — to allow immigration to continue. We cannot allow refugees, who are seeking solace from genocide, terrorism and war in their home countries, to bring terrorism to our country. We cannot allow white people, who have historically brutally victimized people of all other races, to feel like they are losing their privilege because disadvantaged peoples are finally gaining an iota of basic human rights.

After the interview, Conway and the most truthful president on record — according to zero news organizations — held a meeting to which they invited the five friends they have collectively.

To start the meeting, Conway asked those in attendance to raise their hands if they had ever felt personally victimized by a non-white person. Every single person in attendance raised their hand.

When asked for testimonies regarding these acts of racism, one individual said, “A Muslim doctor saved my daughter’s life after she started to react unexpectedly and fatally to a medicine a white doctor prescribed her. Why did he do that?”

A fair point!

There is a clear pushback against such overt racism, however. We are lucky to have heroes willing to risk absolutely nothing to stand up for what they believe is right.

Over the weekend, a subway in New York City was covered in swastikas drawn in permanent marker. All riders agreed it made their commute to work seem so much more friendly and welcoming. They were excited to see how the new presidential administration had invigorated a previously untapped base of voters and encouraged them to become more politically and socially active.

“I’m so proud and elated to have a president who finally sticks up for me and the struggles of the upper class heterosexual white-supremacist man,” said one member of the alt-right when asked about why he drew the swastikas.

Luckily, Conway, the president, the cabinet nominees and the Alt-Right are here to rectify the mistakes which led to the Bowling Green Massacre. The events of that day, which mysteriously has no specific date, shall not be repeated under the new administration.

We are heading into a new era of revitalized bigotry masquerading as concern for the American people and we should just sit back and watch as the world crumbles apart around us.

Bobbie Szabo is a columnist, contact her at [email protected].