Opinion: Nicolas Cage: a vampire?



Emily Perrott

Emily Perrott

Emily Perrott is a photojournalism and dance performance major. She is a columnist for the Daily Kent Stater. Contact her at [email protected].

People do a lot of crazy things for a little attention these days, but I think we found the winner for the “most insane story to make money” stunt. Congratulations, Jack Mord. You are the winner.

This guy put a photo for sale on eBay of a man from Bristol, Tenn., from around 1870. So what’s the big deal? Mord claims that this man from the Civil War era is Nicolas Cage and that Cage is, in fact, a vampire. After seeing the photograph, it’s undeniable that this man has a striking resemblance to the Oscar-winning actor, but we all have someone, somewhere that makes us do a double take because they look just like someone we know.

The photo has been removed from eBay since all of the hype occurred. Looks like Mord didn’t get the $1 million he was asking for, although he had 78 offers, all of which were declined.

Cage has starred in “Vampire’s Kiss” and played an eerie role in “Ghost Rider.” Besides those two roles, any other link to the ghostly world is pretty much nonexistent.

Cage is now 47 years old, but Mord claims that the actor looks unchanged since his first hit on screen in “Moonstruck” way back in 1987. Mord’s theory: Cage is a vampire who reinvents himself every 75 years or so. Makes sense.

Mord made the statement, “Personally, I believe it’s him and that he is some sort of walking undead/vampire, et cetera, who quickens/reinvents himself once every 75 years or so. 150 years from now, he might be a politician, the leader of a cult, or a talk show host.” That seems unlikely, though.

On the Q&A section on eBay, Mord received on asking, “Do I get a discount if I AM Nicolas Cage?” Mord said he gets 25 percent off. Very funny.

When someone raises the point that Cage has noticeably aged in the past 10 years, Mord responded, “My theory is that he allows himself to age to a certain point, maybe 70, 80 or so, then the actor ‘Nicolas Cage’ will ‘die’… but in reality, the undead vampire ‘Nicolas Cage’ will have rejuvenated himself and appeared in some other part of the world, young again and ready to start all over. From time to time somebody might mention to him that he bears a slight resemblance to the young version that dead American actor, whose name they can’t recall, but eventually, those occurrences will stop altogether.” Clever.

In case you’re not persuaded that this is utterly ridiculous, I’d just like to point out that vampires can’t have their photograph taken. That vampire fun fact just made this whole thing even more crazy and impossible. Now the poor actor is left trying to prove to people that he’s actually a human. Let’s hope this rumor blows over just as quickly as it started.