You might be a hipster if…

Photo by Matt Hafley

Photo by Matt Hafley

Natalie Moses

DISCLAIMER: This does not reflect the views of the Daily Kent Stater or the author. It is purely an entertainment piece. No hipsters were harmed in the making of this centerpiece.


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Invented by bored teenagers in the early 1940s, the hipster was originally created to enjoy bebop and swing music. They deviated from the crowd by being openly rebellious in all aspects of life. They invented the term “square” and were so doped up that it was almost impossible to decipher their infrequent communication. Then, these hipsters grew up and had baby hipsters, or hippies. Somewhere between the hippies of the 1960s and today, speaking out against social norms became a common practice and deviating from conventional viewpoints is more or less accepted. The 2011 hipsters still have unconventional viewpoints and rebel against social norms, but nowadays no one cares. It angers hipsters that no one makes a big deal about their being different. So for attention, they continually attempt to out-weird each other. When it comes to the hipster outlook, nobody says it better than Urban Dictionary: “I love conforming by being nonconformist.” They are one big contradiction and belong by not belonging. The product is a big group of college aged kids getting funky haircuts and making fun of the 90% of the population that is living their life instead of making fun of mainstream squares. If you are a hipster, you definitely know it and probably are very proud of it though you won’t even admit it to yourself. You most likely don’t need to read this, but just incase you desire some clarification, here are a few indicators that you might be a hipster, dude:

1. This season, rolled up pant legs are in. So you only roll one.

2. Your cigarettes are foreign.

3. You have 20/20 vision, but you still wear glasses (think Erkel in the 90s).

4. You work and/or live at Starbucks.

5. You despise social norms so much that sometimes you don’t even wear shoes.

6. Smiling in profile pics is so not deck.

7. Forget about PBJ. You only recognize PBR.

8. That band was totally cred before they went all, like, mainstream.

9. You went to their show, like, five years ago and no one else knew who they were.

10. Whatever. You’ll get over it by finding another band so obscure that they don’t even exist.

11. Decision: Williamsburg or Brooklyn?

12. For 3 hours a day, you encourage your facial hair to grow faster so you can once again set a new ‘stache trend.

13. Wait! Who are you kidding? You don’t care about trends. Or do you?

14. You don’t associate with lames that rock a subpar mixture of indie artists in their iTunes library.

15. Your completely unique and individual personal style is a carbon copy of an Urban Outfitters advertisement (mere coincidence).

16. You mix and match ridiculously overpriced items with stuff you found at Goodwill… Just because.

17. You don’t find irony in the fact that by passionately disliking all cliques and social labels, you have fallen into a clique and a social label.

18. You’re appalled by the term hipster while at the same time hipsters are superior to all other lame stereotypes.

19. Everyone has opinions, but yours is the only one that matters.

20. Your expressions and moods are variations of smug, unimpressed, and bored.

21. No one, perhaps including yourself, understands your tattoo.

22. You stand firmly for many social causes but don’t do anything about them.

23. You watch films, not movies. Foreign films. No subtitles.

24. You might start acting, head west. No big.

25. Nothing is more near or dear to your heart than your 700c Fixie that is a totally impractical bicycle but it looks so vintage.

26. You frown upon the party scene. You don’t have time for fun.

27. One time you backpacked around Europe. It was all right.

28. -Your posse’s team uniform consists of skinny jeans, some form of plaid and an oddly shaped knit hat.

-Sometimes you mix it up and throw in a skinny tie or a shaggy scarf and combat boots- in August. Seasons are passé.

-Your futuristic Apple products are tucked in your messenger bag alongside your old school fountain pen.

-you sport a fancy camera around your neck, but have no knowledge of photography whatsoever.


Natalie Moses at [email protected].