Being plagued by (hopefully) brief moments of stupidity is part of what being human is all about. And especially being a human in college. For some of us these moments will mean locking your keys in the car. For an unlucky few it might mean working at Starbucks for the rest of your life because you chose to major in philosophy. Basically, no matter what your IQ is, you’re doomed.

However, every once in a while the collective gene pool spits out an exemplary model of human stupidity, commonly known as the criminal. Here I have compiled a list of several crimes whose perpetrators reasoning defies and leaves us scratching our heads in dismay.

The Twinkie defense? Apparently sugar induced madness is all the ‘rage’ this year as there has been more than one case of a person having a violent reaction to being denied a favorite snack.

1. For normal people a roommate eating your food is annoying, but no big deal overall. In the case of a Florida woman, however, the act seems to have inspired her to an act of violence against her Thin Mint thieving roommate. The woman was arrested and charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon.

2. Similarly, a woman in the UK, was so angry that a shop had run out of her favorite kind of cupcake that she proceeded to not only damage the shop’s property and throw food, but assault members of staff as well. She, however, ran away before she could be arrested.

3. Bald Bandits? Recently burglars in Chicago relieved a shop called Beauty One of an apparently valuable amount of human hair. The reason? Who knows.

4. A Pennsylvania man decided the best way to elbow out his pizza shop’s competition was to release live mice within their premises. He was of course caught and eventually charged with several crimes relating to his actions in two of his competitor’s shops.

5. In Florida a group of thieves got together and apparently decided that stealing produce was the real way to make your mark in the criminal world. They managed to get away with about 300,000 dollars worth of tomatoes, cucumbers and frozen meat.